Door-to-door network services salesman must be one of the worst jobs in the world. Especially when I’m the guy you meet when you come in the door.

I’m polite, I’m cordial, and every word is a carefully plotted stonewall. Every path leads to “no.” Frankly, I’ve been on that date before and it’s not fun. I realize that I usher them out the door and leave them with nothing to show for their short walk from the office next door, and I almost feel some sympathy.

So, to help out the door-to-door sales folks who ignore our “no soliciting” notice at the door, I have a few bits of advice:

1. If you really have a service that I want, call first and make an appointment. That will save us both time and effort because I’m just as good at “no” over the phone as I am in person, but you can share the dance from the comfort of your own office. Which is nice for you.
2. Don’t try to insult me into buying something. One of the strangest D2D crew that came in--and they almost always travel in pairs--was selling memberships to a paintball joint. I politely told him that, no, I wasn’t interested and neither was anyone else in the office.

   “But it’s fun,” he said.

   “Sorry, we’re still not interested.”

   “What?” If it were another age, I would have said that he looked scandalized by this personal affront. “You don’t like to have fun?”

   I’ll leave you to imagine my response. Whatever you come up with is probably nicer than what I actually said. If I had even the tiniest urge to find out about the product, that moment would have killed it.

3. Don’t try to bully me or harass me into giving you more time. I’m more stubborn than you are and the more you push me, the less likely I am to care about whatever it is you’re selling. And I don’t need your service--if I did, I would have called you. Perhaps some people respond to that kind of tactic, but I’m not one of them. Recognize that fact.
4. No, I’m not giving you anyone else’s card, phone number, or name. I don’t care how many times you ask or how many times you suggest that I’m not the guy who can make the decision, you aren’t getting past me unless you have a services that interests me. See, that’s the key: you can’t make me want a business service that I don’t need. I save my impulse buys for my private life and if you haven’t got me in the first few sentences, you aren’t going to get me at all.
5. That sign on the door that says “no solicitors” is there for a reason; we expect you to respect it.
6. Take a hint and move along.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.