Thursday, April 15, 2010

Screw Context

  1. I rather enjoyed the Jude Law remake. Underrated, if you ask me, although, very possibly, unnecessary as well. The original was one of Michael Caine’s best. And I love Michael Caine.
  2. Tim Burton at his worst. The remake wasn’t necessarily such a bad idea, but the execution was terrible.
  3. Yeah, and a shame, too. Adam Sandler can be fun to watch, but the movie was unconvincing in pretty much every way. Bad.
  4. Maybe the most confusing remake ever. While I’m pretty sure that directors need to respect the original when they remake a movie, simply re-doing the whole damned thing and bringing nothing new to the table makes no sense. The audience was just left saying, “Why?”
  5. Remaking cheesy old disaster flicks into cheesy new disaster flicks pretty well defines “hack,” doesn’t it?
  6. This one didn’t seem like a bad idea--or, at least, not entirely. The original was old, the subject matter can still be fun, and Jackie Chan is an energetic little bundle of charisma. But the movie was so flat, so bland, so uninspired, so completely forgettable that I actually forgot that it existed and that I had seen it right up until I saw this list.
  7. Not really horribly done, just horribly out of date. What made the original meaningful was a moment in our shared culture that simply doesn’t exist any more. Stale.
  8. Another one that sounded like a good idea. I’m not entirely sure if it’s that the movie was bad or that we’ve become so cynical that this story from the late 50’s never really had a chance. I loved the original when I was a boy, but the closest you get to the fun, easy tone of those movies now comes packaged in Pixar’s wonderful animated films. Outside of that, even our kid flicks have too much cynicism (and too many knowing winks) to match the innocent little family films of the fifties and sixties.
  9. Please. I didn’t see it. I don’t know anyone who saw it. I’m not entirely sure I want to know anyone who saw it. Please.
  10. Horrible idea, horrible execution. Peter Sellers made those movies special. Trying to mimmic him would be an ugly pantomime; trying to redefine it would require someone very special. Feel free to judge Steve Martin’s efforts on your own, but know this: the results were even worse than I expected.
  11. Keanu Reeves has made three decent movies that I recall off hand: Speed, The Matrix, and Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Bill and Ted Go To Hell was acceptable to me only because I was young enough to be forgiven my lapse in good taste. Point being, this movie isn’t on that list. It’s on Keanu’s other list: the long list of movies that he has either ruined (how the hell did he find his way onto the set of Much Ado About Nothing? It had to have been an accident. Had to have been.) or movies that were worse for his presence (Dracula and Johnny Mnemonic spring to mind).
  12. What a disappointment. It could have been good. It wasn’t.
  13. Another one that confuses. The original is a cultural artifact, and an odd artifact at that. A remake should have been unthinkable.
  14. Never saw it. Actually, I never even noticed its existence.
  15. I say again: “Please. I didn’t see it. I don’t know anyone who saw it. I’m not entirely sure I want to know anyone who saw it. Please.”

OK, fine, here’s your freakin’ context.

Feel free to add your own to the list, but you’ll have to provide your own context this time.


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