Let us praise two great super-patriotic movies of the eighties (and one “what can happen when nuclear war goes wrong” movie of the 80’s). Let us remember Red Dawn, Rambo: First Blood II, and Road Warrior as the great artistic achievements that they were.

And let us praise three dopey nuns for reminding us of the greatness--three dopey nuns so stuck in the 80’s anti-nuclear movement that a few years ago they decided to do something naughty.

Their crime was to break into a nuclear silo installation by chopping their way through the facility’s chain link fence and then they “banged on a railing with a small hammer and spilled their own blood - collected in baby bottles - on the ground. That done, they prayed, sang and chanted for peace.” It came as a surprise that people got all cranky about nuns breaking into a nuclear facility (and seriously creeped out by that bit with the bottles of blood).

The nuns were charged and convicted of a number of crimes and were sentenced to lengthy prison terms. The last of the nuns was released yesterday, reminding me of the whole, mildly humorous episode and a few of my favorite movies.

Of course, in progressive activist circles this is time for great celebration and the casting of angry glares at authority figures. Because they weren’t just breaking into a Federal military installation, they were doing God’s work (if by “God’s work” you mean “raising consciousness”, which is apparently a blanket excuse for all sorts of anti-social behavior like throwing cream pies at conservative leaders and speakers who dare to enter any campus “Throw Pie Zone").

“Because of Ardeth, Jackie and Carol, there is a dialogue going on,” said Bill Sulzman, a Colorado Springs peace activist who has known the three women for seven years. This dialogue, said Sulzman, centers on “what does Christian morality require one to do in this nuclear age? They helped put that question into play.”

Dennis Apuan, of the Pikes Peak Justice and Peace Commission in Colorado Springs, said, “Their public witness raised people’s consciousness about nuclear war. It was an act of nonviolent conviction that generated a lot of debate.”

When I read this, I had to wonder: when the hell did I miss the nuclear freakin’ war? Obviously I needed my consciousness raised about nuclear war because I totally missed the thing.

You wouldn’t think that would be possible.

And then I realized that it wasn’t just me. Everywhere I look people were completely not talking about nuclear weapons or nuclear war (except when they were getting nervous about North Korea or Iran getting their hands on some nuclear weapons and starting a nuclear war). They hadn’t even noticed (much) that there were nuclear weapons still hanging around and that with nuclear weapons came the possibility of nuclear war and that means nuclear winter devastating the planet as any good citizen knows.

I mean, jeez, it’s like The Day After and Mad Max had never happened. Wake up, America! Raise some consciousness, sisters!

Furthermore, the nuns want people to know that it’s not as if they were actually doing anything. Sure, they had to sort of snip their way through a fence and sure they brought a hammer with them, but they didn’t have the capacity to do any real damage. Which is, at least sort of, true: there was no way that this dim, blood-dribbling trio could have harmed the nuclear weapon. But the harm is in destruction of government property and the obstruction of a national defense facility.

Which things are illegal under American law, which sort of trumps the nuns’ claim that war and nuclear weapons violate the Codified Statutes of Life (or some such thing).

Still, according to this article, the nuns claim that what they did was “ symbolic and not sabotage"--kind of like that time I symbolically (and drunkenly) peed on the side of a building in downtown Denver. It wasn’t real urination, it was more a protest against the cruelty of my bladder.

But I’m guessing that if a Denver cop had happened along, I would still have gotten a ticket.

See, that’s the trouble with symbolically breaking into a nuclear facility, symbolically (and, yes, uselessly) hammering on a silo, and then symbolically spilling your own blood from a baby bottle: symbolic it may be, but it also gets you thrown in jail in a not-so symbolic way.

Don’t worry, though, these three haven’t been beaten down by the evil system. Not by a long shot. After Ardeth Platte, the last of the three to be released, takes a little break ("[W]aging peace takes an enormous effort. So I’m a bit weary.") from her personal blood bank, symbolic hammering, and general picketing duties, and after they’ve enjoyed their Christmas break ("[W]e have a marvelous Christmas banquet where everyone fixes the most precious foods they can make.” (And, in case you were wondering, I personally make a mean posole. I’m not sure I’d call it “precious”, since that’s just a little too Lord of the Rings to me, but it is mighty tasty.)) they’ll be back at the front lines of peace waging fun.

They are also expressly forbidden from protesting on military property, an edict that they may not obey.

Though the nuns were not openly defiant of the ban, they couldn’t promise unending compliance.

“I guess what I would say is, we will live our conscience,” said Gilbert. “And we believe that someday history will prove what we did was legal.”

It’s a Christmas miracle: these nuns have taught us the true meaning of sanctimonious.

So, yeah, thanks.

I’m going to go rent some fun movies now…

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