There’s a crisis in the UK. A crisis of potentially epic proportions, depending on the woman in question. A crisis that will strike at the very foundations of civil society.

Consumers may soon be seeing the prices on bras rise dramatically.

Shoppers face rising prices if the European Union’s “bra wars” with China is not quickly resolved, a major British retailer warned yesterday as Brussels admitted it had blundered in the way it imposed emergency quotas.

UK retailers, including Marks & Spencer, Philip Green’s BHS and Arcadia Group, Debenhams and John Lewis, in addition to Next, are reported to have been badly hit since the introduction of EU textile quotas in June, restricting imports of cheap, Chinese-made trousers, sweaters, bras and T-shirts.

The entirety of the UK may soon be jiggling dangerously (and suggestively) when bras become too expensive for the common woman to buy. I blame not only trade protectionism, but also the terrifying proliferation of breasts throughout the world. Not only are there more breasts now than there used to be, but those breasts are also larger than they used to be.

To be plain, the unchecked expansion of breasts is consuming our world’s precious natural resources at a rate that our Mother can no longer support.

No boobs for oil!

Or something very protest-y along those lines.

Read the whole, horrible story.