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Saturday, June 23, 2007

I R Restricted (9 Hells, 8 Sucks, 2 Deaths, and a Shit)

Online Dating

Mingle2 - Online Dating

Hell, that seems downright family friendly to me. Oops, that counts against, doesn’t it?

Anyway, if you think my blog is bad (which, let’s be honest, it’s not that bad), you should see me after a few drinks at the upcoming Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash.

So, yeah.

Sorry about that.

Spotted here.

Which, somehow, leads us to the highly infectious, spotted meme that I seem to have caught from Patrick. Seven pseudo-random bits about my life? You got it, pal, although I do have to warn about the old Soviet style “truth” that got mixed up in the more truthful truth.

  1. I only pretend to sing in church. For that matter, I only pretend to sing “Happy Birthday.” Most people think that my reluctance to sing in public is fueled by self-knowledge--that is, I’m afraid to sing because I know how bad my voice is. That’s incorrect. The truth is that I am terrified of running afoul of ASCAP and shuffled off in shackles when I’m unable to pay the royalty fees for singing protected works in public. Damned, evil ASCAP.
  2. I’m only up this late on a Saturday night because I’m burning a CD to listen to while I go on a tiny road trip tomorrow.
  3. I once owned ferrets. Two of them, in fact. They were cuddly, cute, irritating, and hilarious--in fact, they were some of the best pets I’ve ever owned. We (my ex-wife and I) had to give them away when she drunkenly let one of our birds out of her cage while the ferrets were out of their cage. It was an error made worse by the fact that the bird had clipped wings and couldn’t fly to safety when the ferret came and got her. That was a depressing night, but, sadly, it came right in the middle of the worst stretch of time in my life. The marriage was already starting to crack, I was deeply depressed, she was deeply drunk, and no one was happy. Soon I would find out that she was cheating on me--which should have ended the marriage but didn’t.
  4. Which leads us to the next point: I bribed the ferrets with Cap’n Crunch (specifically, Peanut Butter Crunch). See, ferrets can get into damned near anything. Closets, the area between your cabinets and your dishwasher, kitchen drawers--they have amazing infiltration skillz. When they find a nice hidey-hole, they often just fall asleep. Finding them aftwerwards is a hell of a chore. We found that if you put a little PB Crunch in a Tupperware container and shake the container a bit, the ferrets would come running. They were complete whores for the PB Crunch.
  5. Of course, I’m a complete whore for PB Crunch, too. Which could have led me to say something bitingly cruel about the ex, but that just doesn’t seem right.
  6. I spend between $200 and $300 a month on books and magazines. I’m addicted to stuffing my head with all of the ideas and information that I can get into that tight little space. Unfortunately, I’ve decided that my addition to raw data has missed one relevant activity: giving myself the time to sift through my thoughts to fully explore the thoughts that are coming into my brain. Too much unconnected data, too little context, and never enough time to make it all make sense.
  7. I really can’t stand watermelon. Or any melon, for that matter. Melon sucks. Oops, that counts against, doesn’t it?

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