Most guys might go for flowers, dinner, hope for a little over-the-Grand Tetons action, if you know what I mean. But not ELF. ELF proclaims their love with arson and the destruction of private property.

Which is what makes them so damned special.

The radical environmental group responsible for the 1998 fires at Vail’s Two Elks Lodge apparently has struck again — in the form of fires at four multimillion-dollar show homes north of Seattle.

Crews battled fires early today at the homes in a suburb north of Seattle. A sign connected to the environmental group Earth Liberation Front was found at the scene, officials said.

The sign — a white sheet that had the initials of the Earth Liberation Front in scraggly red letters — mocked claims the luxury homes on the “Street of Dreams” were environmentally friendly, according to video images of the sign aired by KING-TV.

I propose this retaliatory action: for every house they burn down, I say we cut down one of their beloved giant redwoods and whittle it into special toothpicks to be delivered to the White House and to all the members of the next IMF meeting. We can call it a counter-protest and put out phantom news releases proclaiming it an act of conscience. We can justify it by publishing tracts extolling all the nifty things you can do with wood (like chopping trees down, stripping off any vermin that came along for the ride, and carving out some really good gun racks and rifle stocks--or maybe just making contoured toilet seats for the butts of the ruling members of the Vast Right Wing Supper Club).

Just a thought.

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