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Friday, February 01, 2008

Rules for the Elect, #1

The first lesson that elected, male representatives up and down the food chain need to learn is this:

The penis stays in the pants unless you are with your doctor, significant other, or playing solitaire. If you know what I mean.

Other people don’t want to see your penis, no matter how impressive it (or your job title or your ego) may be.

Keep the penis in the pants.

I put this one first on the list because it seems to pop up fairly often. You’d think that this rule would be in some budding politician’s “Intro to Ruling the Rubes” “Your First Day on the Tax n’ Spend Trail” handbook, but it seems to have been omitted in all the pertinent literature.

Since I continue to want our elected overlords public servants to be successful and happy, I offer this up as my own public service. Sadly, it seems to have come up a little bit late for House Assistant Majority Leader Michael Garcia (D-Aurora).

House Assistant Majority Leader Michael Garcia is resigning as a state representative, effective immediately.

Our partners at the Denver Post have reported that Rep. Garcia (D-Aurora) was accused by a lobbyist of exposing himself and making lewd comments to her as they played pool and drank in a bar.

The Post also reports that the incident was reported to House Speaker Andrew Romanoff who said he could not comment on the matter.

Of course, his first mistake might have been trusting a lobbyist.

Even with this highly public advice, my guess is that politicians will continue to fall into the same trap of believing that their penises are far more desirable than rational thought might lead the rest of us to believe. Kind of like Hillary’s thoughts about the desirability of the Federal government mandating universal pre-k.

Read the rest.

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Dude, it’s not just politicians.  They just get more press when they do something stupid.

The point is, any man that is relatively rich, relatively well-known, and relatively power is going to have a bevy of social-climbing and/or gold-digging chicks looking to use their body to score a permanent seat on the Gravy Train.  It gives a man an undeserved, overinflated sense of inherent sexiness.

In short: it ain’t the bulge in the front of the pants that is attracting her interest, but the one in the back pocket.  It isn’t you, it’s your wallet (or job title).

on Feb 01 2008 @ 09:50 AM

I’m not sure that I’m going to be so critical. The dude’s from Aurora after all! He was probably just chillin’ at the Iliff Park!

on Feb 01 2008 @ 12:50 PM


Painful, but nice.

on Feb 01 2008 @ 01:12 PM

So I should put my penis away?  Is that what you’re saying?

on Feb 01 2008 @ 02:41 PM

Well, Andy, that or take Jerry’s advice and move to Aurora.  House on the corner is on the market after foreclosure.

on Feb 01 2008 @ 03:12 PM

That rule’s just for politicians, right?  Because I’ve gotta show it to the Lakers girls.

on Feb 02 2008 @ 06:49 AM

You see, I found a loophole big enough to stick my cock through.

on Feb 02 2008 @ 06:54 AM

I think this is the part where someone comes around and talks about teensy-weensy loopholes. Hard to see with the naked eye. Stuff like that.

on Feb 02 2008 @ 09:35 AM

I’m not volunteering, if that’s what you are hinting at, David.

on Feb 02 2008 @ 01:33 PM

Somehow I don’t think you can talk about teensy-weensy loopholes and the Lakers girls in the same sentence. Loopholes you could drive a truck through, maybe. Then again, if anyone shows the Lakers girls what they’ve got and get the girl’s attention, that’s impressive. More likely than not, you’ll get ignored and have a painful blow to the ego.

on Feb 04 2008 @ 10:42 PM
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