I just got home from seeing Hot Rod, an unevenly humorous waste of time with some absolutely hilarious pratfalls, to find that darling girl left the TV on. While I let the puppy out, I glanced over at the TV to see an ad for Quality Mitsubishi and MiracleLoans.net--and it was worse than the typical nighttime ad. For a bar set that low, it was amazing how easily this ad crawled its way under the typical dross, claiming an extra special trashiness all its own.

Now the worst late night ads are the ones that urge lonely folks to call in and meet either fake-breasted bad actresses or super-studly gay men who like the type of people whose social skills don’t extend far beyond their own couches. This car lot ad gave those a run for their money, though.

Not only did it have an irritating spokesman and a bad script, but midway through the ad the spokesman said something along these lines: “Don’t buy a piece of *bleep* just because you feel you don’t have a choice.” Who runs an ad that has a built in bleep? That’s a pathetic cry for attention on the order of calling one of those fake-breasted “yes girls” who are ready to party 24/7 with whomever ponies up the credit card for some naughty phone talk.

Heading over to the MiracleLoans.net site, it doesn’t get any better. Ugly site, designed for brute force conversion of people in search of someone who finances the un-financeable. It promises loans to absolutely everyone. Sort of.

The big banner at the top of the page loudly proclaims “100% Approval.* The little asterisk next to it refers to the catch. The catch is this: “Guaranteed financing for those who meet minimum requirements. W.A.C. & W.A.D.”

Guaranteed financing. 100% Approval. If you meet minimum requirements. If they approve your credit. If you have an acceptable down payment. More simply: 100% approval for everyone we approve (which won’t actually be everyone).

Don’t get me wrong: that’s just good sense. A financial institution wouldn’t make much money lending money to people who are really bad risks. Still, it’s a tad misleading and undeniably crass--which means the ad is perfectly suited to the site, I suppose. And, no, I don’t mean that in the nicest possible way.

I suppose that if you live in Denver, though, the absolute worst of the late night ads (without resorting to bleeped out language) has to be Frank Azar’s “Strong Arm” ads. Indeed, if you look through the Urban Dictionary, you’ll even find a couple references to him under “Ambulance Chaser.”

None of which changes the fact that Tiger Woods is amazing. Truly a phenomenal talent.