Don’t forget to check out Steve Green’s drunkblogging of the fun. Always brilliant. And the Gay Patriot’s puppy blogging is funny, too.

Question: The economy sucks. Help me Obamy wan Barracky, you’re my only hope.

Obama: Well, it’s all Bush’s fault. Except for where it’s McCain’s fault. And except for where it’s Wall Street’s fault. Vote me.

McCain: Read my lips: “No new taxes.” And keep our money here instead of giving it to the bad guys. I love your house and I’ll do everything I can to make sure you keep it. I’m not Bush.

Question: Who will replace Paulson ("The Evil One")?

McCain: I’m not good with jokes. Laugh anyway, please. Not sure, but I have some good ideas.

Obama: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I don’t know either, but eat the rich. And, seriously, I’m going to give you a tax cut. I mean it. Seriously.

Question: What the hell is with the bailout package? What the hell did you people do to us and our freakin’ money?

McCain: Bailout? No way, man, rescue. Think some happy thoughts and it will be okay. By the way, did you know that the sub-prime crisis was the Democrats’ fault and I tried to stop it? Fannie and Freddie aren’t your friends, but I am--and Obama is buddies with those bastards.

Obama: Totally, yeah, rescue. Money for everyone, which is nice. And, it was not my fault and Senator McCain is a big poopy head. Deregulation was the problem, not bad loans to people who couldn’t pay back all that bad paper. If we kept everything properly regulated all of those bad loans would have...umm, never mind. I don’t like Fannie and Freddie, either. Look, after all my pointing of fingers, I know you aren’t interested in pointing fingers, so…

Question: Obama, are you saying things are going to get worse before they get better?

Obama: No way, everything is fine. Except that things are worse now than at any time since the Great Depression and you should all be scared.

Question: McCain?

McCain: Things could get worse if we don’t make the right choices. Workers are strong--and, it was too the sub-prime stuff--and if we give them a good environment to fix the problem they will.

Obama: I don’t trust you with our money. Not sure I have a real question, I’m just pissed.

Obama: There’s a lot of blame to go around. Especially for the Republicans. I mean, no one is innocent, but the Republicans are bad. Really bad. But trust me to spend your money on big new entitlement programs, which will be fine because I’ll find something or other to cut in the budget, too. Promise.

McCain: There’s a lot of blame to go around. Especially for people who aren’t me. Including Obama. I point fingers at both parties.And since Obama hasn’t, you know, done anything yet, I want you to focus on records rather than rhetoric. Obama wants 860 billion in new spending--which is way more than the abomination of a bailout and pork rescue package. And Obama spends money stupidly. Offshore drilling. So there.

Questions: Health, energy, entitlement reform: priorities?

McCain: All three at once. All are important. Entitlement reform is vital because our economy can’t take the bruising if we keep going this way. Nuclear power plants and alternative fuels are cool, too. And remember that I’m the bipartisan one. Very very bipartisan. Which is good because these are all national security concerns, too.

Obama: No way, man, we have to have priorities. Energy is really important. So I’m going to spend some money on that. Health is important, too. And I don’t actually like earmarks. That are coming from others. Because it’s always vital when I do it. And McCain is going to raise your taxes and give money to rich people. Eat the rich.

Question: What sacrifices will you ask us to make to fix America’s problems?

McCain: We’re going to have to eliminate some programs. We’re going to have to prune those programs--including bad defense deals--that aren’t working. Obama asked for a really expensive overhead projector, remember, and that’s just dumb. Let’s cut spending and stop being dumb: spending freeze outside of vital programs, transparency, consulting with folks like you, and, read my lips, “No new earmarks!” We can so tackle all these problems right now.

Obama: Remember 9/11 and all of that coming together stuff? Yeah, Bush screwed up that particular kumbaya moment by not asking Americans to do more for the country. So I’m going to ask Americans to do more for the country. And, by the way, I love oil. And clean coal. And, maybe, nuclear stuff, too. Always have, always will. Buy American! Shout out to the young people!

Question: Not really. This is actually a personal potty break.

Returned: In case you were wondering.

Question: How the hell serious are you about dealing with entitlement programs?

Obama: Pretty serious. Maybe not as serious as you. Pretty serious, though. Straight talk express lost a wheel a few moments ago, though, so eat the rich. If I tell everyone that I won’t raise taxes often enough, maybe they’ll believe me. Did I just say that out loud? And I love small businesses more than McCain does. McCain loves big companies and it isn’t fair. Don’t forget that all of the problems facing the United States are President Bush’s fault. Except for where they are McCain’s fault.

McCain: I’ll actually answer the question. Yes, I’m as serious as you. Gipper! Obama doesn’t reach across the aisle. I do. No problem on Social Security. Medicare could be a bigger one, though. But if we get creative and hold congress to the wheel, we’ll get some results. And don’t forget that Obama votes for tax increases and votes against tax decreases and that’s the truth from the straight talk express. So there.

Question: McCain, how do you keep congress moving with a purpose? I mean, like they did when they saw $700 billion floating around like a free freakin’ drugs?

McCain: Climate change. Nuclear power. It’s safe, it’s clean, it creates jobs, we can re-process, let’s move forward. I’m the real green candidate. What was the question?

Obama: This is another one of the biggest challenges of our time: finding a way to say what McCain said without saying what McCain said. Oh, yeah, that’s right: money. I’ll spend more money than him. I do too like nuclear power. McCain hates the environment secretly and votes against alternative energy all the time. Seriously. Drilling is okay, but we can’t just drill our way out of the problem. Have I said that before? At least I’m not calling myself the freakin’ maverick all the time.

Commentary: Move it along, guys.

Question: Manhattan project or silicon valley to solve the problem?

McCain: Mixed, you know. A little bit of both. And just so you know, when I vote against stuff it’s because there’s a ton of other crap loaded onto the bill. So there. Drilling will help us get from here (dependence) to there (independence). God bless nuclear power.

Question: Tell me about Ayers and Wright.

Heheheh. Just kidding.

Question: Is health care a commodity? Should it be?

Obama: I feel your pain. You’re being crushed under the weight of the lack of my intrusion in your health care plans. So, here’s how I’m going to solve that problem for you: I’m going to spend you into health and happiness. McCain is going to raise your taxes. Don’t forget that.

McCain: Yeah, some of his ideas are okay, but I don’t think that government and mandates are the solution to this particular problem. My plan gives every American a tax break and portability--and that’s way better than mandates. 95% of you will pay the same or less. I’m still not good with jokes, though. Please laugh.

Question: Privilege, right, or responsibility?

McCain: Responsibility on lots of levels. Like

Obama: It’s a right. Everyone should get health care. We’re the wealthiest nation on the planet, so why can’t we afford health care for all. Senator McCain lies. Don’t trust him. I won’t mandate anything and I won’t be mean to anyone who doesn’t need it. Honest. Portability sucks. Government works. Trust the government to solve this problem for you.

Question: With the economy tanking, how can the US be the peacemaker that it needs to be.

McCain: Good question. Without a strong economy, you can’t have a strong military, and we can’t be that force. But I believe in the wise use of our military to answer this question--which is good because what was that question? I love my country, the military, and my own damned mavericky self.

Obama: McCain thinks I don’t understand. Which is true since I don’t understand why someone hasn’t whacked Osama and why we invaded Iraq. His judgement sucks. Don’t trust him with the military. Trust me. I mean, I didn’t actually mean that thing about our military bombing villages and killing babies or whatever the hell it is that I said--I love the military and all of those honorable bastards who are bombing villages and killing babies or whatever the hell it is that I said. And, anyway, why aren’t we bombing villages and killing babies in Darfur instead of Iraq?

Question: Obama or McCain doctrine for use of force outside of national security issues at stake?

Obama: Moral issues are as big as national security issues, so we should commit troops wherever and whenever possible when bad things are happening except for those times when I’m not so sure about what the hell I’m talking about because I don’t actually have an “Obama Doctrine” do I? And that’s what I intend to do when I’m president.

McCain: Obama wanted to wave the white flag and I didn’t. No defeat for me, buddy. We must do whatever we can to prevent genocide and bad stuff as long as we understand the limits of our own capabilities. The first question: can we have some beneficial effect on the situation? Gipper! I’m better at this part than Obama. Big time.

Question: Should the US respect Pakistani sovereignty or should we violate the borders when going after bad guys?

Obama: That’s a tough question and it’s Bush’s fault. In case you were wondering. And the Taliban is stronger than they were in 2001--you know, before we kicked them out of power and knocked them around a bit. And, yes, I will violate that border if I get the chance to kill Obama--I totally don’t respect their sovereignty.

McCain: So, Obama is announcing that he’s going to invade Pakistan even while he’s trying to get them to play nice with us. That sounds like a good idea to you? Please. Anyway, walk softly, carry a big stick, and let’s put things in place that will help us beat the Taliban without having to threaten Pakistan. K?

Obama: I am totally butting in. Look, I want to be very clear: I don’t want to invade Pakistan regardless of what I’ve said in the past. I like mixed messages. The mixier the better. Senator McCain thinks I’m green behind the ears for some reason--remember: bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran. And, anyway, this is all Bush’s fault except for where it is McCain’s fault. And, no, I’m not losing my temper. Why do you ask?

McCain: Dude, you said you’d attack Pakistan. Dude. I’ll do what I need to do, I’ll act responsible, and I’ll get Osama, but I’m not going to telegraph my punches. And that Iran thing was a joke. Get a life.

Question: Afghanistan? What’s up with that?

Obama: Iraq. It’s all because Iraq, damnit. I’ll leave Iraq, put the troops in Afghanistan, and then tell the Afghani government to do a better job.

McCain: Help me Petraeus wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope. And, anyway, Obama isn’t wrong about all of it. Just some of it. The important bits.

Question: Cold War? What’s up with that?

McCain: There is no new war coming, so don’t worry too much about that. Putin...eyes...K...G...B--you fill in the missing bits. Russia isn’t behaving and we have to support Georgia and the Ukraine, we have to hold Russia accountable, and we have to think about NATO membership for some of our friends over there. But a small spanking doesn’t a Cold War make.

Obama: Well, ehhhhhhhhh, Russia is a country. It’s a big country. Yeah, moral support to people is good, Money is better. Let’s give them money and that should solve a lot of the problems. Not sure how much money, but money. That’s the answer. In fact, if I were to think about it, money seems to be my answer to most things. And the next Commander in Chief should be far more psychic than the current administration. I’m psychic. You can tell by the halo.

Question: Gipper! Evil empire?

Obama: No, but they sure do a lot of evil stuff.

McCain: Maybe. I don’t think we need to get into that war of words stuff, but we need to hold the Russkis accountable.

Question: Israel: if Iran attacks, would you immediately defend them or would you wait for the UN to green light it?

McCain: UN? Oh, hell no. Not that Russia would let us do anything in the UN Security Council anyway.  And, yeah, we better pay attention to that, folks.

Obama: I won’t let the UN veto us in acting in our own interests. But we shouldn’t really let ourselves get drawn into a situation like that--which is why I think we should invade Pakistan. If I ramble enough maybe I’ll sound like I have a serious answer and I won’t have to directly answer that whole thing about meeting with bad guys without precondition. And it’s all Bush’s fault. Don’t forget that.

Question: What don’t you know and how will you learn it?

Obama: I’m totally funnier than McCain. I’m going to ramble and not actually answer the question, but I’m going to avoid answering it in a really thoughtful and inspirational way. Because let’s be honest, joking aside, I know it all so why should I pass up on an opportunity to bash the current administration. Hope. Hope with me, my people.

McCain: I don’t know what all of us don’t know: what comes next. I’m totally not psychic. We’re facing a difficult future and I don’t know what to expect next. But I’ve spent my life serving the country, I’ve served through hard times, and I believe in this country’s future and greatness. I am honored to serve and I would like to continue to serve. Vote me.