How can you beat, “Fuck?” Noun, verb, adjective, funy, mean, obscene, and just fun to say.

Fuck You you fuckin’ Fuck.

Assclown.

Oooh, tough one given how much I love to swear.

Gotta go with oceanguy, though, I think.  Fuck just has a marvelous versatility to it, not to mention a very satisfying sound.  You make that ck sound, and you know you’re swearing.  It’s like it’s got built-in punctuation!

Fucktards is good. But my favorite is, “Fuck you, Fuckos!” This has to be said (well, yelled) while sneering and raising two middle fingers high to get the full effect.

I see a trend…

Deb, I’d never thought of it, but you’re right: it is like it has built-in punctuation.

That said, my favorite is a word so mild that it almost doesn’t count as a profanity. My favorite is “bastard.”

It is the happiest of profanities (at least when I use it). There is rarely even a hint of malice, and it is nearly always accompanied by a grin.

I think South Park had a lot to do with the recent rise in the use of bastard(s). Once more, Parker and Stone provide a useful public service.

I’ll never be able to get past the talking poo…

My favorite cussword?  “Microsoft”.  As in: “Microsoft you, you Microsofting Microsofter!”

What was that one from South Park? Marklar?

When you smash your finger with a hammer, there’s no other word that will suffice.  Fuck it is.

When I’m in mixed company, however, I use (courtesy of Red Dwarf) the term smeg. 

It works.  Smeggin’ hell! 

I’d have to go with Fuck as well. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. As for “bastard,” it used to be not-profane, ya? As in, *cue Diana Ross song* “love child,” or as a generalized pronoun, like “get that bass-tuhd into the truckbed, will you?”

Margi: “smeg?” I remember a magazine article (or a manners guide, not sure) that stated that said word is something known unto all, and yet its usage is known to be “never,” or reserved for the most uncouth of moments. Sorta kinda like if Bush called KJI a smear of smeg on a glass jar, verily we can expect nuclear war in a matter of hours.

”...witless, brain-dead, drooling, mom-and-dad-probably-brother-and-sister, head-so-far-up-his-ass he can French-kiss himself from the inside along with all his butt-buddies that have moved in to stay.”

I prefer inventive invective. Guess why.

Fuck or motherfucker is probably my most commonly used, but I don’t know if I’d call it my favorite.  I like “Rat Bastard” though haven’t used it in years.  “Jesus H. CHRIST!” when I’m particularly exasperated.  (Wish I could say it like R. Lee Ermey.)

Though not profanity, occasional well-placed “nuts” can lighten the mood.

The F-Bomb is the Swiss Army Knife of swearing, and I like it a lot.

One of my favorites, though, is one I picked up from Dad.  It was one he usually reserved for those moments of intense physical pain, such as rapping his knuckles while working on an engine.

“Dirty whore-bait sonofabitch.” Optionally, you could throw “rotten” in there, too, right after “dirty.” It depends on the severity of the offense.

Hmmm, it depends on the situation.  Really!  When driving- by myself- I tend to use the term “asshat.” I really like that one.

When my baby toe reaches out and grabs the corner of the wall “son of a bitch!” comes out pretty easily.

If asked something so obviously already answered, “HELL no!” rolls right off my lips.

Being startled easily elicits “Shit!”

And, uh, that “F” word.  Yeah.  Ummm, it comes out on different occasions.

I do confess that my religious convictions (if you can believe I still have them after my aforementioned confessions) keep me from saying any specific names of religious figures.  By the way, with complete lack of facetiousness, what does the “H” stand for?

Great post, Z.

Hehehe, Craig.  Until I crossed the continental divide, I never heard the term “F-Bomb.” It still makes me giggle.  Thanks again for the giggle of the day, Craig.

Surprised that Rae drops the F-Bomb. Or perhaps I’m surprised she admits it.

The H. stands for Holy or Hebrew depending on who you ask. One of my favorite written epithets (I don’t think I’d ever say it out loud) is Jesus Christ on crutches. Don’t remember what blog wrote that first, perhaps A. Beam. Works well if you put the human incarnation of God on rollerskates or a Segway, too.

I once knew a very religious Southern woman (yes, I used to have religious convictions) who used John Brown where most would use Jesus Christ. She was constantly saying, “Oh, John Brown it!” Bet the abolitionist never thought he’d be immortalized that way.

From what I’ve heard Jesus H. Christ prefers the pogo stick.

Really, Matt?  It surprises you that I would admit it? 

I think I even dropped it on a page here once. 

I long ago came to the conclusion that God was more concerned about the hate that I harbored in my heart for my neighbor (literally) than occasionally swearing.  I do still attempt to monitor my mouth and can honestly say that none of my children have ever heard their mother swear.

Well, Rae, it’s not often (in my experience) that Christians have such a reasonable view about cussing. I think that’s because it’s much easier to stop cussing than it is to stop hating.

To answer dorkafork, yes, during moments of frivolity Jesus prefers the pogo stick. But when he really wants to get somewhere? The Segway!

I thought Jesus H Christ was a tap dancer.

Well said, Matt and I think it to be true.  It is easier to not say the f-bomb than to seek to establish genuine concern in my heart for the family across the street.

Although, I still have yet to find a good way to “love” the asshats on the highway....

Fuck you, you fucking fuck!

That’s my favorite.

I like fuck, but the best curse I ever heard and use is “penis wrinkle”.  It’s a thinking man’s curse.

Ewwwwww!!!