(Sorry about the two Google posts, but this is too good to pass up.)

Quench your thirst for knowledge.

At Google our mission is to organize the world’s information and make it useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information’s usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who’s using it. That’s why we’re pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of “smart drinks” designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.

Don’t miss the all important FAQs:

11. When will you take Google Gulp out of beta?

Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We’ll commit when we’re ready, okay? Besides, what’s so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know? Maybe we’re jaded, but we’ve seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they’ve been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory – and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about “a new direction” and “getting back to basics.” No thanks, man. We like our freedom.

Of course Google goes for the jugular in the ugly truth department:

How to get Gulped?
You can pick up your own supply of this “limited release” product simply by turning in a used Gulp Cap at your local grocery store. How to get a Gulp Cap? Well, if you know someone who’s already been “gulped,” they can give you one. And if you don’t know anyone who can give you one, don’t worry – that just means you aren’t cool. But very, very (very!) soon, you will be.

Yes, the ugly truth. I signed up for a Gmail account the day they were first announced. I never got an invite. I figured they forgot about me, so I signed up again. No invite. I figured they were pissed because I asked twice. I finally picked up an invite from another blogger. A month or two ago Gmail went out of beta and into official release. The Google gods decided then that I was finally worthy of an invite (Hah! I already have 2 accounts). I realized then just how uncool I really am.

This has been a painful memory, excuse me now as I go rub myself in ashes and cover up my nakedness with some sackcloth.

[I have 50 invites left over, does anyone want one?]