I’m just disappointed that Mark Felt doesn’t look a damn thing like Hal Holbrook. I shouldn’t have been surprised, though, since Bob Woodward doesn’t look a damn thing like Robert Redford.

Personally, I think “Deep Throat” was Richard Nixon.  But I also don’t really care.

Bob Woodward (who still doesn’t look like Robert Redford) has confirmed that W. Mark Felt (who still doesn’t look like Hal Holbrook and has never actually owned a sneaky-looking raincoat, besides) was Deep Throat.  So that’s that.

It’s actually really disappointing that this mystery ended on such a blah note. It’s like the 2nd prophecy of Fatima was “Expect rain on Thursday.”

And then Thursday was dry and clear.

Man, I had always thought that the Second Fatima Prophecy was, “And, verily, you’ll realize that the bit about pigs was important. No, seriously, a pig is a filthy animal.”

Well this is anti-climactic. You know, I was expecting it to be somebody bigger instead of J. Edgar Hoover’s dress cleaner.

Totally anti-climatic.

For the record: There was only really one secret, but Sister Lucia had get all X-Files on us, so it’s in three parts. The third part or “Third Secret” was arguably revealed during the reign of Joun Paull II.

I’m impressed that some Protties know this stuff.

After the two parts which I have already explained, at the left of Our Lady and a little above, we saw an Angel with a flaming sword in his left hand; flashing, it gave out flames that looked as though they would set the world on fire; but they died out in contact with the splendour that Our Lady radiated towards him from her right hand: pointing to the earth with his right hand, the Angel cried out in a loud voice: ‘Penance, Penance, Penance!’. And we saw in an immense light that is God: ‘something similar to how people appear in a mirror when they pass in front of it’ a Bishop dressed in White, ‘we had the impression that it was the Holy Father’. Other Bishops, Priests, men and women Religious going up a steep mountain, at the top of which there was a big Cross of rough-hewn trunks as of a cork-tree with the bark; before reaching there the Holy Father passed through a big city half in ruins and half trembling with halting step, afflicted with pain and sorrow, he prayed for the souls of the corpses he met on his way; having reached the top of the mountain, on his knees at the foot of the big Cross he was killed by a group of soldiers who fired bullets and arrows at him, and in the same way there died one after another the other Bishops, Priests, men and women Religious, and various lay people of different ranks and positions. Beneath the two arms of the Cross there were two Angels each with a crystal aspersorium in his hand, in which they gathered up the blood of the Martyrs and with it sprinkled the souls that were making their way to God.

Well, I brought it up, Patrick, and I’m agnostic. But I grew up Catholic.

Next thing you know, we’ll find out that Jimmy Hoffa is alive and well and cattle farming in West Texas.

Soooooo anticlimactic as to be yawn-worthy.

The thing that kept popping into my head was, “Yeah?  And?  So?  What?”

Or thet Lee Harvey Oswald really was the lone gunman. Or Bigfoot is just a guy in an ape costume.

Trench?! What are you saying.

Crazy man.

So, did I tell you about the time I saw Curt Cobain in Chicago?

Two years after his death?

True story…

That’s nothing!  I saw Elvis Presley on TV ten years after his death!

...why is everyone looking at me like that?

More mysteries of the world solved in the most boring way possible!

- The Pyramids? Built by slaves using brute force!

- Crop circles? Bored teenagers with plywood and lots of string!

- Pearl Harbor? Roosevelt had no idea!

- Elvis? Dead!

- Andy Kaufman? Ditto! Oh, and he paid Lawler to pretend to hit him.

See how easy it is?

Oh, and he paid Lawler to pretend to hit him.

Liar. Wrestling is real. 

Well, I saw Michael Moore alive and well on a shuttle from Las Vegas, NV to UT.

Oh, wait, he was alive.

Really....!!!

Can someone tell me what the hell mark felt has to do with andy kaufman other than being a loosely related conspiracy theory?