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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

American Idol: The Sanjaya Sucks Edition

You know, if Sanjaya had anything resembling dignity and self respect, he would leave the show. He’s not good, he doesn’t deserve to be there, and his biggest fan base is probably powered by a Web site that wants the worst singer to win.

Leave the show, Sanjaya. Come back after more lessons and a little bit of maturity make you worth listening to.

Just sayin’. Haley Scarnato should be following close behind.

Speaking of which, she still sounds like she should be on You’re the One That I Want auditioning for Grease! instead of American Idol. That’s not to say she was bad--it was her best (or, actually, only) good performance of the season. And she looked good enough to pretty much the entirety of the heterosexual male vote for the evening.

That was definitely a multi-hubba performance.

Compulsory Disclosure Aside: I might be nicer tonight because I like “British Invasion” music almost as much as I like the late-80’s/early-90’s Seattle sound. Aside from that, the magazine is almost ready to be delivered to the printer and that makes me happy.

Happy, I tell you.

Chris R isn’t well suited for this kind of music. His whiny voice gets in the way of a pretty melody, he doesn’t have even a vague idea of how to convey emotion, and he oversings bits of a song that begs for simplicity. If it weren’t for all the bad, though, it would be notable only for its blandness.

Which is why Randy thought it was a “great performance”, Paula drools a little, and Simon gives him a thumbs up, too. I don’t see it. Of course, I also think that he the most unpleasant voices on the show (not the worst, mind you, just one of the worst to actually listen to).

In Touch W/ My Inner Geeky Boy Aside: I can’t wait to see Meet the Robinsons. It looks hilarious and when the dinosaur wiggles his arms, I laugh like a little boy.

Did Stephanie Edwards pick a good song in Dusty Springfield’s “You Dont’ Have to Say I Love You?” I’d say it was a great song choice--giving her the opportunity to stretch her voice and play dramatically to the crowd--that was let down a little by her delivery. She sounded uncomfortable, she didn’t really hit the notes, and she had some pitch problems. It was disappointing because it really felt like she should have done much better.

Beatbox Blake’s take on the Zombies’ (lamentably spelled correctly) “Time of the Season” was a fun updating of a damned fine song about gettin’ a little lovin’. It just straddled the line between creative and gimmicky, coming out just on the right side. The vocals were good (if not quite great), but the arrangement was spot on. It probably won’t be remembered as the best singing of the night, but it will be one of the few performance that will actually be remembered after tonight.

“You’re My World” would have been a better choice than “Diamonds Are Forever” for Lakisha, if you ask me. Not that either choice was bad--but “You’re My World” is more upbeat and catchy in my world. Aside from one really ugly moment in the middle of the song, she pulls off the song well and she still has that wonderful, mature voice.

I love “Tobacco Road” in its many variations, but damned if I knew that it was a Brit invasion song. And Phil wasn’t nearly as convincing as the backing band. He looked like a (bald) little kid singing for mommy and daddy. Gina would have done it better--he’s too Disney to be a rocker, if you know what I mean. I think Simon nailed it: no grit in that performance.

Educational Aside: Generally I think of Edgar Winters and Lou Rawls when I think of “Tobacco Road”, but here’s Wikipedia’s entry on the Nashville Teens--which, if you ask me, is a bit of a stretch as a Brit invasion song, given that it was written by John Loudermilk. In case you were wondering.

Jordin Sparks nailed “I Who Have Nothing.” Maybe not to Shirley Bassey’s standard, but for a seventeen year old girl, she pulled it off beautifully. Her one big note wasn’t shouted, wasn’t filled with anything unnecessary, and really hit the spot for me. Gorgeous.

Sanjaya Go Home! (I still love you, kid.)

Good Lord, he was bad doing the Kinks’ “Really Got Me"--one of my all time favorite songs. Done right, it’s a damned hard rock song (listen to the live version on One for the Road), done wrong it’s bad karaoke. Which, we had the bad kind tonight, didn’t we?

And crying little pre-teens don’t do a thing to sell me on the boy. Message to Parents: For the love of all that is good in the universe, hide your cell phones from the kiddies tonight. Don’t let them vote for Sanjaya. Think of the rest of us.

If anyone should do well tonight, it’s Gina. Her vocal style, her balls-out willingness to rock, and her bright personality have won me over, and “Paint it Black"--according to some at my last job, the theme song of all graphic designers--is a damned fine choice. She looks like a little goth girl (which, in case you didn’t know, is a total turn on), and again proves that she should be fronting a rock band. She’s a latter day Joan Jett, I tell you--which isn’t to say that she should be winning a singing contest, but that she’s someone I wouldn’t mind seeing at the Bluebird.

I dig her. I still say she’s the most rock-oriented singer that they’ve ever had on the show, which, for me, is a good thing.

Chris Sligh definitely resurrects the Zombies’s sound with his take on “She’s Not There”.  A marked improvement over last week’s, it still wasn’t his best. After his spanking, he was too timid tonight and wasn’t as filled with his personality as some of his earlier songs. It was a solid week, but not brilliant. With Sanjaya on the show, he should be safe. With Sanjaya’s dismal insurgent supporters, though, who knows what will actually happen.

Closing with Melinda is always a good thing. The chance of her coming up with a good show-stopping close is a better bet than putting money on any of the others.  And again tonight she proves to have the most polished, professional voice and feel for performing on stage. Yep, she’s the best of the bunch.

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I’m glad I’m not the only one who think that T-Rex is hilarious.

on Mar 20 2007 @ 06:07 PM

Man, I want T-Rex to be my evil henchman. He’s about the coolest animated sidekick since Mr. Incredible’s buddy Frozone. “Honey? Where’s my Super Suit?”

on Mar 20 2007 @ 06:14 PM

The T-Rex gag was stolen - STOLEN I SAY! - from the TV show “Dinosaurs.” In one episode, if I remember correctly, the main dino and his best friend (the T-Rex) join the military and in the end the T-Rex gets discharged.  When asked why, he says it’s because he couldn’t salute (tries to raise short little arm to forehead). 

Or something like that.  It’s been years, and I’m old.

As an aside, Haley made my loins tingle, and Sanjaya quickly extinguished any feeling except hopeless sadness for all eternity.

on Mar 20 2007 @ 08:13 PM
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