Tuesday, April 01, 2008
American Idol: The Dolly Parton Still Has Gigantic Breasts Edition
Dolly Parton still has a wonderful voice (if you like that class o’ country) to go with the massive mounds o’ hugeness.
I love the idea of Brooke White doing “Jolene” and think it’s funny when she says that Dolly is “huge.” I’m pretty sure she wasn’t talking about the chest. Pretty sure.
The performance is pretty solid, although without some of the drama of Dolly’s version. She has just a tiny bit of reed in her voice that makes her one of the most pleasing to listen to--it isn’t a great voice from a standpoint of range or control, but it’s one of the few voices I’ll want to hear even when this show is over. Great stuff.
Randy didn’t dig it and says she rushed it a bit in places, which is probably true. Paula thinks--no, no, that would be a lie. Sorry about that. Simon thinks that she needed more emotion and thought that the band looked a bit strange. Especially the poor violin player.
David Cook is promising to do his own arrangement of the song “Little Sparrow.” Is it just me or is Dolly just one of the nicest people ever?
Cook should do his own arrangements more often. That was freakin’ hot. That truly could be a single--polish it up a little, release it, I’ll buy it. Amazing. This guy has a decent voice, a great stage presence, and an understanding of how to make music that people want to listen to. Brilliant brilliant brilliant.
Randy loves him with the love of a thousand Spartans. Or something like that. Paula is still, sadly, caught in the brainless zone. Simon doesn’t think it was as good as last week--which, he’s utterly wrong--but still thinks it was good.
Do I care what Ramiele sings? Not so much. Now would be a good time to eat my food.
PS- I chose a good time to check out, didn’t I?
Randy: blah. Paula: I’m still a cheerleader at heart. Simon: yeah, whatever. It must suck to follow up Cook on a night like tonight. Unless someone else fails dramatically, I think she’s going home.
Do I care what Jason Castro sings? I’m not sure. The more I see him, the less I like him and his voice. The vacant smile, the longing hobbit gazes, the limited vocal abilities. Singing a song I’m not even vaguely familiar with, he’s okay but not particularly good. He sounds a bit like a visiting vocalist at your local church: someone more talented than most of us, but not good enough for a real career.
Didn’t do much for me. The crowd seemed to like it, though.
Randy thought it was a little better than I did, but wasn’t overly impressed. Paula is a complete idiot. One of his best performances? Paula, get a clue. Simon closed in on hater territory and hits him hard. I can’t imagine Jason leaving, though, because he’s got a committed fan base.
Carly was one of my early favorites and I still like her, but “Here You Come Again” isn’t what I would consider a great song choice for her. She misses the bit note at the end, the song drags, it’s boring, and I wish she’d chosen something else.
Randy thought it was one of the better performances of the night. Paula wants a lap dance and another drink. Simon isn’t particularly impressed and wants her to dress better. Yeah, I guess so, but that wasn’t really in my head. G-phrase thinks Simon is totally right, by the way.
Aside: Strange. Jackson Browne makes me want to kill myself, too, but not for the same reason.
Dolly loves David Archuletta--which is nice, because I really don’t. She also thinks he can be a big star; I’m not sure I disagree, but I’ll never buy one of his songs. He sounds good tonight doing “Smoky Mountain Memories” with a few pitchy bits. Everyone else loves it to the point that everyone seems to think it was the best of the night. I simply do not like his voice.
This should be a good night for Kristy Lee Cook and her country inclinations. She is absolutely gorgeous and the dress if lovely; the song ("Coat of Many Colors") is a great fit. But this is the best that she’ll sound throughout the entire show and still isn’t quite convincing. She really should have been gone weeks ago.
Randy gives reasonable praise as does Paula. Simon thought it was “pleasant but forgettable.” Ouch.
How will Syesha handle country night? It doesn’t seem like a natural fit for her, but who knows? Well, it doesn’t matter, because she chose “I Will Always Love You” which isn’t really a country song anymore, is it? She mangles a few bits early when she’s singing the softer bits, she misses a few of the big notes, and she sounds a little lost. She almost hits a big ending, though.
Dunny. Not really very good. Probably should have chosen something else.
Randy wasn’t all that impressed. Paula. Yeah. Paula. Simon thinks it was a bad choice, too.
I can’t help but think that Michael Johns could have gone home a few times, too. Genuinely nice guy--and an honest-to-God chick magnet--and this was actually a decent night for him. “It’s All Wrong, but It’s All Right” gets all bluesy and sexy. Easily his best and it was seriously good.
I expected little, but he did really well.
Paula and Randy thought it was really good and Simon agreed that it was the best that he’d done.
Comments & Trackbacks
First Comment!
Secondsies.
Yah, well I wuz waiting on ya to finish the post.
Michael Johns was more than a pretty boy tonight. But it’s okay with me if all he is is hunky good. I thought Cook was cooking the Little Sparrow right down to the bone until I heard MJ (oh no! unlucky initials!) sing So Right. Mmmm! So damn right.
Word veri: top45
It knows…
He wasn’t my favorite (my top three would have been Cook, Brook, and Johns) but I was surprised at just how well he did. Very easily his best night--and I’m pretty sure it made darling girl lick her lips a little.
I’m stuck between being impressed and being jealous. I’m glad he was around long enough to have a really good week.
Fifthsies!
On Dolly, hers may be the ONLY class of country I actually enjoy. Brooke was a’ight, but sheesh, could she put down the guitar already? Since WHEN do they get props on stage? Ramielle should get a pole if that’s the case.
Commercial break....
Ramielle should get a pole if that’s the case.
Nice. Damn nice.
And, yeah, I’d watch that.
Next up, David Cook. It really bugs me that everyone else can (attempt to) copy Celine Dion NOTE FOR NOTE and nary an eyebrow is raised, but this poor guy has the smarts enough to know alternate versions to these songs (OMG How DARE he copy a Chris Cornell song and not tell anyone! Even though that chic covered a Beyonce song and never once gave Beyonce credit) and he has to JUSTIFY it.
Once again, he wasn’t my favorite in the beginning, but I think he’s got this thing.
Also, I see Paula has busted out her I’m Stoned Buzzwords. (Your FALS was lovely) Paula, the 80’s called and they need you back.
Ramiele: Are they embarrassed they put her through, or do you think that was one of those “Producers Choices” like Sanjaya clearly was?
The sooner someone tells Jason that he is A) white and B) a woman, the sooner he can put on an orange costume and host some PBS children’s musical show. Maybe Paula could choreograph.
Ugh. This is one of my FAVORITE Dolly songs. Wow, I’m 10 years old again. I liked that, A LOT, but I agree with Simon and the G-Phrase. Maybe Ryan could go work wardrobe and shut the hell up already.
Can you only imagine how AWESOME David Archuletta is going to sound in his year’s high school senior musical version of Oklahoma? And when we saaaaaaayyyy....HEY! I-Yippie-Yo-Eye-A! We’re only saying You’re Going Home Archuletta! Archuletta, good-bye! (Yeah, I’m officially sick of him)
Funny thing? As soon as she came on camera, I thought “Damn, I should find that dress for the next RMBB.” Now, I’ll have to.
Is Syesha going to credit Whitney? Or Dolly? NOPE. It’s the comfy chair for her. Why is she doing simple? Her voice isn’t delicate enough. Why is she going so BIG? Her voice isn’t big enough for that.
Johns: I’d like to say something, but I can’t reach the laptop. It appears I have suction cupped myself to the seat.
I think Archuletta would be awesome in Oklahoma. Especially in a production that I’m not attending…
Oh, yeah, you have to find that dress. It’s a good one.
And, yeah, I bet they’re embarrassed about Ramiele. Sweet kid, but not particularly talented or interesting.
It appears I have suction cupped myself to the seat.
You do have a way with words.
Not sure how to take that.
Take it like a man, baby. Take it like a man.
Huh. That doesn’t sound quite right.
"It really bugs me that everyone else can (attempt to) copy Celine Dion NOTE FOR NOTE and nary an eyebrow is raised, but this poor guy has the smarts enough to know alternate versions to these songs (OMG How DARE he copy a Chris Cornell song and not tell anyone!”
Usually if someone copies one of the trinity (Celine, Whitney, and Mariah) they get ripped if they’re not perfect. That’s what bugs us about Cook… he gets over on the judges just because he does arrangements they haven’t heard.
You were very, very wrong about Syesha (she was awesome, and did a nice meld of Whitney and Dolly without ripping off either) and a little wrong about Castro. But you’re right on about Johns.
Matt! How’s the baby?
I can see why people like Syesha, but I really find her mediocre. Now, is she better than me? By a lot. But I just don’t feel her, dawg. Which Jason part am I wrong about?
David, no, that didn’t sound right at all.
Sorry, I meant that Dave was wrong. You were wrong, too, but he was wronger.
The baby is very large. For a baby.
You like that. When they are little, they don’t sleep. How big is she? Did you know our daughters share a first name? It’s a good name.
Dolly Parton is not merely a great vocalist but a great songwriter too. People often forget that she wrote her best work as well as performed it. The signature hair and cleavage hid a very talented singer/songwriter.
Robin - I totally agree with you. It was evident last night just how great she is… a bunch of people who were unfamiliar with her songs, performing for an audience that was also unfamiliar, made them sound really great.
Damn you’re good. Love the recaps.
“Longing hobbit gazes” is hilarious.
Candy, thanks--I’m blushing here. Frankly, though, it’s nothing near your latest post ("Things He Repeats"), which is beautifully written.
Thanks for visiting. As you can tell, I needed to come here for the levity. And thanks to your pinpoint accuracy about Jason Castro, I got through the night. I was still laughing about it today.