Firstly, David C. looks slightly more convincing in faux boxing gear than David A., who looks as goofy as you might have guessed.

Secondly, in the battle of the applause, Simon wins big. Not even a contest.

Thirdly, interviews with David A. are almost as painful to watch as his “soulful” singing. Just painful. Interviews with David C. are easier to stomach, but not precisely inspiring. I do appreciate the low-key and honest approach to the show, though. It’s a nice counterpoint to Archuleta’s irritating, over-the-top personality.

I love the idea of David Cook singing “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For"--it could be a picture perfect song for that boy. Not as good as when Bono sings it (seriously, listen to him singing the opening of that song and it’s something truly beautiful), but that little bit of rasp adds something nice to the sound of the song. What works is this: it’s a familiar (and exceptionally good) song, it fits his approach to rock music, and it gives him a chance to show off. What doesn’t work is that he doesn’t change it up much so it sounds a little like an imitation of U2--but I’m not sure what else he could have done with it in arrangement.

Randy thinks David is hot. Paula finally found what she’s looking for: a stiff drink and a lap dance. Simon thought it was “phenomenal.” Amen amen.

David Archuleta singing “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” is another great choice. It fits his voice perfectly--and it fits his high school thespian persona. I don’t mean that in the nicest possible way (even though it’s one of my favorite Elton John songs) because it also means that he goes into a little bit of a Broadway-esque interpretation at moments. Aside from that, he hits a few bum notes through the song. The audience loves it, though, and Randy thinks it’s one of the best performances of the whole season ("flawless" and “crazy vocals").

Paula got good and happy during that first performance and, ahem, hit her “peak” during this one. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Simon thinks it was his best performance of the season and gives round one to Archuleta.

Say it ain’t so, Simon, say it ain’t so.

Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash Aside: Have you signed up yet? Are you planning to go? There will be girls and booze and me. What more could you possibly want. I’ll be updating the post later (and bouncing it up to the top) so make sure to get your RSVP in so that you get a link both here and on the ViewMyLife.com site).

And, while I understand the reluctance to sign up for VML--the questions can feel intrusive and the Flash interface is a stumbling block to some--but I have to admit that I like it far better than MySpace and potentially more useful than LinkedIn. I do wish that they had used some nifty AJAX solution instead of Flash, but there are things that you can do with Flash that can’t easily be done in any other development environment.

Dunno. Everything in life involves trade-offs, doesn’t it?

Now let’s rock with David Cook and “Dream Big.” He’s a rock star, isn’t he? I mean, he’s ready to do the shows, he has the attitude, the look, the talent, and the persona of a guy who can command a stage with every song that he sings. Nicely done--and he’s so much better to listen to than the other David.

Like Randy, I’m not a big fan of the song, but I loved the performance. Nice. Paula seems to have a nice afterglow, but it’s hard to tell what she’s reacting to at any given moment. Simon didn’t love it so much. Loser.

On the other hand, David Archuleta sings some other song that bores me to little, tiny shards of enuui. Or something else that I’m too tired to really figure out right now. This song was designed to piss off punks, aging hipsters, and anyone with good taste. And he sounds, to my punk-abused, aging hipster ears, mediocre at best.

That might just be my opinion, though, because the crowd loves him. Randy loves him so much that he wants to hear him sing the phonebook. Never heard that one before…

I think Paula is pissed that Randy stole the phonebook thing because she was planning to use it. Simon is hitting Paula’s crack pipe again and trying to swing the vote to elf boy.

Coldplay Aside: Man, the iTunes ad for the new Coldplay song is pretty. Not just the music, but the artistic vision of the video. Nice.

Can David Cook take on “The World I Know” and make the night his? Not sure…

Again, a good choice for his vocal style, but it build a little slow and he seems to have slowed it down a little extra. Still, he sounds nice and he keeps himself right in the space that he’s built on the contest. He’s a damned good singer--for real--and he’ll have a great career. I’m not sure if he’s going to win the contest, but he’s never going to have to bartend again to pay his bills.

Randy digs it, Paula loves it, Simon loves him but not necessarily the song. He thinks it might have been the wrong song choice to try to win the contest--with which I agree. I still preferred it to everything that Mr. A has brought us this evening.

Good God, I hate listening to David Archuleta sing “Imagine"--because he looks funny, he doesn’t really get it, and he can’t even come close to convincing me that the idiotic message of the song is something worth singing. Lennon could to that (and, yes, it is an idiotic message), but Lennon was special in a good way. David A. is special in an entirely different way.

Utterly nauseating.

Which is, of course, why the trio of judges love him and want to spawn many, many albums with him.

It was nice to see Reuben Studdard again, though--lovely voice on that guy.

And speaking of Hells, Kitchen--because we were, you know--is Matt not the single whiniest bastard of all time? I mean, he could be standing there silently and he would still be the whiniest bitch ever. His face knows no other station but whininess.