Tuesday, April 14, 2009
American Idol, April 14, 2009: The Almost Completely Aside Edition
Pre-Idol Aside: The cruelty of people to animals astounds me. Even the title of this story ("Puppy found taped to Boulder fridge") is enough to disgust a person with the barest bit of sympathy for their pets--and it doesn’t take an animal “rights” advocate to be outraged.
Police found a small dog — its feet, snout and tail bound in clear packing tape, a plastic bag and elastic hair ties — adhered to the side of a refrigerator in a Boulder home Tuesday morning, the apparent victim of a domestic dispute between its owner and his girlfriend.
Abby Toll, 20, was arrested on suspicion of felony animal cruelty after telling police she taped up the puppy, a shiba inu named Rex, and stuck him to the fridge because she was angry at her boyfriend for not getting rid of his pet after it had bitten her.
“There’s a dog taped to the fridge,” she told an officer who responded to a report of a domestic incidentin the 2900 block of East Aurora Avenue around 5 a.m.. “I know this looks bad. We were going to get rid of him anyway. We usually don’t do this.”
Some days I find myself wishing I lived on an island far away from, you know, people. It’s easy to be cranky.
Okay, I’m going to try to manage a positive attitude for the Quentin Tarentino edition of American Idol. Which, I have to admit, the guy has great taste in music along with being able to add something shockingly hilarious to the most brutal violence imaginable.
None of which changes the fact that Allison Iraheta’s amateurish version of Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” I mean, the song normally sucks, but her messy, confused, and, honestly, ridiculously dressed performance made it even worse. Which is why the judges loved it, I suppose.
Smoochy Aside: One thing I do like is drive-by smooching from my baby. Hubba hubba.
And now we’re listening to Anoop singing Bryan Adams (not the more talented Ryan Adams--accept no substitute) “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You,” I suddenly realized that it is, essentially, the same song as the Aerosmith song. And I hate them both.
At least his performance, while annoying, had none of the disappointing messiness of Allison’s little wreck. Which is, of course, why the judges loved it.
I have high hopes for Adam Lambert’s take on “Born to be Wild"--and wonder just how glammed up and homoerotic he can make it. The answer is--well, I don’t know. Most of it was a straight-forward, if faster, version, but then he trotted out the uber-falsetto, the band hit it hard, and the whole thing blew up big. He is without doubt the weirdest contestant of all Idol history.
The judges liked it, with good reason, although Simon is right when he says it was like a Rocky Horror version of the song--and y’all can decide whether that’s a good thing or not. Consider it a matter of taste.
I’m kind of enjoying the speedy judging tonight--and, damnit, it was Paula’s fault that thy went over last week. She talks tons (while saying little) and interrupts others with regularity. Kind of like me on a bad day.
Will Matt Giraud make me less of a hater tonight? Probably not since he’s doing another freakin’ Bryan Adams song, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” Which was just the kind of horribly bland thing you would imagine from Adams the Lesser and it’s not helped by an inept performance. Were Simon commenting on this one, I’m guessing he would have said something like, “If I were being completely honest, I’d have to say that it was indulgent.”
Judges don’t diggit. He’ll be in the bottom three.
Snarky Aside: To be fair to Pete Waterman, no one actually wanted to hear the song. He’s kind of lucky no one demanded payment for the pain that was inflicted. Just sayin’.
Danny Gokey is singing Lionel Richie’s “Endless Love” tonight with a harp accompanist. Which is just weird, especially when he misses (big) an early note during the quite intro. He mostly pulls it together, but I can’t find any room for enthusiasm at all.
Listening to Paula ramble, watching her dead-eyed gaze when Simon damns with faint praise, I find myself wondering if she is actually some super-secret automaton sent by the government to lull the populace into a false sense of musical security while they secretly steal all the good stuff. Because she’s just not right.
Apparently this is bad ballad night with only Adam Lambert abstaining from a place at the melancholy table. Kris Allen sings a lesser known song, “Falling Slowly” from The Swell Season, which should be titled “Falling Painfully, Slowly, and Lethargically into Voting for Someone Else Tonight.”
I slept through whatever it was the judges had to say.
Does anyone really care who wins this year? I don’t feel committed to any of these folks, although I do find Lambert entertaining even when he’s bad.
Maybe Lil Rounds gospel take on “The Rose” can change my mind, although it’s such a cliché that the mere mention of the song is enough to encourage a few snickers and a roll of the eyes in most music geek circles. While I applaud her for trying to give it a gospel edge, the truth remains that Rounds thinks she is a much better singer than she actually is. Messy, poorly sung, and not even in the ballpark of something that I would want to hear or, God forbid, pay for--and I like gospel and old R&B, which is where she supposedly should fit.
This year, American Idol is getting worse week after week. There isn’t a person left who might get me to buy a single, buy a concert ticket, or do anything other than change the station if I heard them on the radio. This final group is horrible and tonight’s show was like something I would have expected from Hollywood week.
If Simon were to truly be honest, I think he would admit to a tremendous disappointment in the folks that the judges picked this season. He can’t have imagined that it wold become such a talent-free zone as this.