Gary Gygax has died. Brett Favre has retired. Ohio has voted. And Forsberg is skating tonight.

On a night like this, can American Idol truly matter?

When Luke Menard sings Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” with such a ridiculous, high school vocal, the answer has to be no. C’mon, that was hideous. Randy thinks it was okay. Randy was wrong. Paula liked it and says that he has a lovely instrument. Because Paula is stupid and creepy. Simon is the only one who maintains even a shred of critical dignity by telling Luke that he won’t make the final twelve much less win this competition. Go Evil Simon!

Luke is a lovely guy, but do you know anyone who would buy his albums? Didn’t think so.

I still hate David Archuletta. Sincerity, apparently, really rubs me the wrong way; and he tries so hard to be sincere. With Archuletta singing, Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise” becomes even more bland than the original. Whatever. Randy thinks it was just okay because even he can’t keep the love fest going all the time. Paula loves the imperfections because it proves the little feller’s perfection. Or something. Simon wasn’t particularly impressed and called it a bit gloomy. The others agree. Lighten up, you little jerk.

Of course, Archuletta goes for a statement about homelessness to justify his choice.

I hate this kid.

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