Update: In case you were wondering, Andy and the army in his pants are waging a war against comments and American Idol contestants. Which is sort of odd, but entertaining.

Ramiele heads things up with Heart’s tepid “Alone” and doesn’t sound particularly good. At one point, darling girl shudders, waves her hands in terror and runs away shouting, “She is just off.” She’s right; it was unpleasant. Like Randy, I think it was a bad song choice that didn’t fit her voice or her limitations. Good on ye, mate. Paula loves Ramiele’s big voice and incredible bravery, which says nothing for the song. Simon says it wasn’t Randy bad; which is wrong. Simon says she’ll go through; I have my doubts.

What follows is a few minutes of useless banter between Randy, Simon, and Seacrest followed by useless adoration from Paula. America, listen to me: Ramiele isn’t very good at this and if she survives another week it will probably be because you voted for cute instead of talented. Kind of like if Obama wins the general election.

Heheh. Kidding. Mostly.

One could make the case that Jason Castro and his dreads of doom (who whines a bit about his birthday and his passing cuteness) could be worse than Ramiele. But that wouldn’t be right. See, choosing Sting’s pretty “Fragile” was a good move. He has a wispy voice that doesn’t quite do the original (or Sting’s voice) justice, but it fits his limitations and his personality beautifully. It also give him the chance to crawl back behind the guitar where he looks a little more comfortable and purposeful. Good song, good choice, decently performed.

Good Lord, man, cut that hair.

Randy is impressed, but only a little. Paula loves him because he is a precious little flower. Or something equally useless. Simon says no, take it more seriously--clumsy, too laid back, stuck in his own world, and like a busker performing on the street. I don’t fully agree, but at least the critique has some bite. One thing I think is interesting is that Randy says he’s looking for a “breakout vocal performance” from Castro and he’s not going to get it. Jason isn’t a great singer and his voice isn’t going to knock anyone out. He’s playing very smartly within his limitations.

Make Syesha never do the fake baby cry again. It knocks her down a few pegs on the official Zomby Cute-O-Meter every time she does it. Luckily, she earns back those points by looking extra gorgeous tonight and singing Alicia Key’s “If I Was Your Woman” pretty darned well. The song is a little monotone until the big bits at the end, but she sounds good almost all the way through and performs it like a pro. Nicely done.

It’s the first time that Randy perks up and says that it’s her best of the show so far. Yeah, I’d go with that, although maybe with a little less gushing. Paula is wearing her Modonna “Like a Virgin” fingerless gloves today. Which is about all you need to know about what she said. Simon tempers the others’ compliments a bit and asserts that Syesha was bumping up against the limits of her voice. I’d agree, but I think she stayed just in those boundaries. Just.

I like Chikezie. I like Chikezie’s parents. This has little to do with his voice (although he’s had some great moments) and lots to do with a great personality. “If Only For One Night,” a Luther Vandross song seems like it would be a good choice. For me, though, it was too slow and he isn’t as good a crooner as he thinks he is. He’s better when he lets loose--his sense of enthusiasm and excitement come through so beautifully that it’s hard to enjoy the more subdued side, especially since his voice isn’t the best possible fit. He has control issues.

It isn’t bad, it’s just boring.

Randy didn’t dig it and thought that it sounded too old. Paula thinks that it was good old school. Simon just didn’t like it at all and doesn’t see much originality in the performance. I can’t disagree with that.

I love Brooke White, but y’all knew that already. Although she flubs the opening of “Every Breath You Take,” she recovers to sing a nice version of the song. Not perfect, not inspired, but pretty enough. She has a really nice voice--nice as in pleasant to listen to, pleasant to here, something I can imagine wanting to listen to it outside the show--and one of the few voices that is memorable to me.

Randy wasn’t overly impressed, but that’s made up for by Paula’s unconditional love. Simon says it was better than last week, good enough to keep her in, but not as good as it should have been. Neither of them liked the arrangement after the slower, early portion.

Can Michael Johns not suck this week? When everyone praised him the first week for his attack on “Bohemian Rhapsody”, I said that it showed up his vocal limitations in its arrangement. I definitely stand by that, but with a qualifier. Read on.

He returns to Queen to sing “We Will Rock You” leading quickly into “We are the Champions"--neither of which is as vocally challenging as “Bohemian Rhapsody"--and he sounds pretty good, he performs brilliantly, and he looks happy. The crowd loves it big time. He smartly moves back to a style that fits him and to songs that don’t stretch him too much (even trying to hit a big note on “We Are the Champions” he doesn’t quite make it)--which is part of the trick for a singer. Know your limitations, know your strengths, and play to them. That’s exactly what he did tonight for the first time in many weeks.

Randy praises him for using his big ol’ voice and says it was his best of the show. Paula is proud of him for some reason. Simon thought it was the first time that he saw star potential.

Carly almost sounds a little like Bonnie Tyler singing “Turn Around (Bright Eyes)"--a good song choice for her, too. I bet these people are happy to be getting away from the Beatles. It’s a better night by far than the disaster of last week. Carly shouldn’t try so hard for the big notes at the end of the song--it doesn’t do anything for the overall performance--but she does a good job with a surprising song.

Randy doesn’t like it and doesn’t like the song choice, which surprises me a bit. He doesn’t think Carly rocks. Lemme tell you, Carly rocks. Hubba. Paula says she doesn’t like the song but she’d buy Carly’s version. Simon thinks it didn’t quite work because she was too tense and uptight. “Lighten up a little bit.” Darling girl agrees.

Nope. Up close and personal doesn’t make me like David Archuletta any more than I did before. Neither does singing “You’re the Voice” (I think that’s the name of the song, can’t remember the singer) both because it’s a crappy song and because Archuletta has more than a few moments where he misses notes, sounds lost, looks lost, and simply looks his age--which is to say, too young to win this. I truly don’t understand the love for this guy.

Randy thought it was a strange song choice but “very nice” and Paula seemed a bit lost, too, but professes her love for the vocal. Simon was the only one who seems to know the song, but didn’t like the performance--"reminiscent of a theme park performance.” Indeed.

Once again, Kristy Lee Cook, is fighting for her life. She plays the patriot card by singing Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA"--which she does pretty well until she tries to find the high, big notes and fails miserably. It’s a cheesy as hell song (will Simon say something to make America hate him?) and she’s not quite perfect in doing it, but I’ve always liked the bald love of country that it represents and she does it pretty well. Smart choice.

Randy says “very nice.” Paula looks like she’s going to cry, but I can’t figure out why. Simon thinks it was her best performance by a mile and calls it “the most clever song choice” that he’s heard in years. I think he’s probably right. Most shocking is when Simon says that Greenwood is a great songwriter and that it’s a great song.

Another of my favorites is near-rocker David Cook--although I think he might have took a lead from Chris Cornell’s version of “Billie Jean”. Which, you could do worse, right? Not my favorite performance of his, but with some really impressive bits. He makes the others look a little pale by comparison, doesn’t he?

Randy thinks he’s not only the best of the bunch, but also the most original. Which is sort of humorous, really. Paula wants to have his children. Because he played the brave card, somehow. Really, Paula? Really? According to girl, Paula failed to play the articulate card. Heheh. Simon has a big smile and thinks it was brilliant.

I still say that if it was a matter of talent, Ramiele would be going home tomorrow.