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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

American Idol, March 31, 2009: The What the Hell is She Wearing Edition (Updated)

Update: I’m thinking it would be fun to watch Idol with the LibertyCouple. Nicely done.

Seriously, what the hell is she wearing? If you saw the opening of the show, you already know what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, then nothing I can say would make you understand. Except maybe Christmas tree drenched in blood and tinsel.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Anoop sings Usher and I’m already bored. Girl is more open to Usher, but she asks a valid question: “This is high energy?” Not so much.

Randy mumbles Randy-isms. Kara thinks that Frat guys dared him to sing the song. She didn’t mean it in a nice way. Paula mutters useless Paulaisms. Simon wants early boo-ing from the Anoop-loving crowd.

I think it’s time to stir the s’ghetti sauce.

And I’m back just in time for Megan, who is extremely lucky to still be in the show. Singing hippylicious music like “Turn Your Lights Down Low” should be a lock for her--but apparently the charm has worn off. Her quirky vocals just sound off tonight instead of fun, the song is a bore, and she’s wearing too much for me to cheer purely for the sake of naughtiness. Huh.

She’s gotta go home this week (unless someone else does really, really bad).

Kara brings down the hammer. “Irritating.” Ouch. Paula says something or other. The little crawl at the bottom of the TV tells me that the Broncos are going to try to trade Jay Cutler. Simon brings in the snark. “Boring.” Randy didn’t like it either.

She still likes herself, though, so that’s nice. A triumph of self-image over self-honesty.

I’m surprised Danny went for the Rascal Flats song, “What Hurts the Most.” Not the genre I would have expected from him, but I’m hoping he does well. Honestly, he’s one of the few bright spots left on the show this year. And he does sing it reasonably well, although he sounds a little off his game tonight. Pretty, decent, but far short of spectacular.

Not quite disappointing but somewhere near that line. I’m guessing the studio version is better. The crowd loves it, though.

Paula. Simon thought it was his best thus far--which shocks me. Randy thinks he “brought it crazy with the vocals.” Maybe it’s just our TV (or my overworked crankiness), but I didn’t think it was that great. Kara says that he “moved everyone in the room emotionally.” Weird.

She grew up listening to No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak.” I feel old.

Anyway, Allison starts well but falls off the tracks after the soft opening. And I’m bored again.

Randy thought she rushed through bits of it and asks, “What are you wearing?” Amen, Randy. Kara says, “The rawk in you comes out no matter what you’re wearing...” Which she didn’t mean in the nicest possible way. Paula likes Allison’s axe. Nice axe, lady. Simon thinks the outfit was “something out of the Adams family” and says that it was a little “dressy-uppy,” which just goes to prove that he likes making up words just like I do.

Scott Macintyre does Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are.” Which is a great song and he sings it well enough that I wouldn’t walk out of the piano bar. I’d still be pretty happy when it was over, though. Is it just me or has he updated his hairdo to more of a Daryl Hall look? Nice. I realize that I’m being an asshole when I’m mean to Scott, so let me say some nice things: great song choice, he’s not without talent, he’s a rather good pianist, he performed quite well tonight, and he is easily one of the nicest guys to ever come through the show.

Kara digs him. Paula blah blah blah. Simon thought it was his best so far (and I agree). Randy dug it, too, and calls it one of the best of the night, which is undoubtedly true.

Football lovers aside: If you want to read a bit more about the Jay Cutler saga of doom, here is the report. Darling girl is not pleased with the “little whiner.” Indeed. Heh.

Matt G. was surprised to be near the bottom last week. Which proves that he should read the brilliant American Idol analysis found here at RSong. Bonehead. The Fray’s “You Found Me” sounds a bit like whiny complaint rock and his voice is seriously off tonight. Goodness but we’ve got a bumper crop of anti-talent this year.

Paula hits him in the face with a brick, which seems unkind. Or maybe just a metaphor. Whatever. Simon says, “We don’t like you this week.” The audience boos, but their heart isn’t in it. Randy didn’t like it and hated the song choice. Kara tells America: vote for him anyway.

Lil Rounds still isn’t a particularly good singer, but she was better than Megan by a good bit. She might should choose a slightly looser dress in the bottom area. Just sayin’. Her voice would sound really awesome if she were singing in tune, though.

Randy liked it. Kara liked it. Paula exists. Simon didn’t like it so much. All of which gives way to what might have been the cutest moment in all of American Idol: Randy hugging Lil’s daughter. That was adorable. For the record, darling girl tells me that I’m wrong: she wasn’t out of tune. According to DG (and she’s far smarter than I am) it was just a bad arrangement that didn’t quite fit the vocals.

“Play That Funky Music, White Boy” as rendered by the ghost of Queen. Adam Lambert is either hilarious, horrible, brilliant, daring, or mildly confusing. What a hell of a falsetto on that guy, though, no matter what you think of his arrangements. My biggest complaint is that he sucked a bit of the groove out of the song, but put me down for both hilarious and brilliant. Both.

Paula loves. Simon likes and admires the anti-karaoke spirit of it. Randy dug it big. Kara is disappointed that Adam kisses boys, I’m pretty sure.

Nice of Adam to give a shout out to the house band, too.

Can Kris Allen do “Ain’t No Sunshine” justice? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know (this could go on for quite a while, you know). Actually, at this point I do know: yes. It was pretty good, although I didn’t like it as much as DG.

Randy loved it and loved the creativity of the arrangement. Kara loved it, too. Paula. Simon loved it. 

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