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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Since “Eleanor Rigby” is Already Taken…

...I’m going to have to go with “Let it Be.”

If he decides to not be morose, though, I could see it going more toward “Good Day Sunshine” and really making me cranky.

P.S. I was going to link this yesterday when I saw it, but completely spaced it. Zooey! I’m so excited…

American Idol: The Dog is Staring at Me Edition

The Blake Lewis song wasn’t exactly the highlight of my week. Sad for him.

Kady Malloy proves that Queen was a really bad choice for her. It’s a bad choice for most people--not too many people can pull off a Freddie Mercury vocals. I said last night that she “misses notes, warbles a bit, sounds wrong...” Randy and Paula, on the other hand, thought it was actually good. Darling girl said, “If that was her best performance, she needs to go home.” Randy and Paula may have all the money, the fame, the adoration of millions, but right now I feel superior to those two hacks.

Which proves that I can be just as delusional as the next guy.

And Luke Menard proves that America can only handle so much cruise ship level lounge singing when they aren’t actually on a cruise. I really hate dinging this guy because he truly seems so nice, but his style is so completely wrong for this show. And for my own personal taste. Last night I called his performance “a ridiculous, high school vocal.” Paula contented herself with admiring his lovely instrument.

The sense of superiority grows.

Aside: I’ve been hearing more and more about “mortgage walkers” over the last couple years, so that the threat is growing isn’t much of a surprise to me. It is, however, wildly unethical. I know I’m staying put until we can afford to move--and that doesn’t mean walking away from a mortgage that we can afford, it means making payments until we can leave without incurring an onerous debt for leaving our current home. That’s tough because prices on much better houses in better neighborhoods have come down to something closer to affordable for us.

But, damnit, a contract still means something to me.

I’m really, really sad to see Asai’h Epperson going home tonight. While I wasn’t a big fan of last night’s song, but she’s blessed with a beautiful voice, she is utterly gorgeous, and I was hoping to see her go quite a ways in the show. I am disappointed.

On the other hand, I’m pretty much okay seeing the foul-mouthed elfin Danny knocked out of the show. While I enjoyed the entertainment value of the kid, there was no real reason to see him in the show any longer. And he was particularly bad last night.

So, yeah…

Watching Paula weep and dance--that was dancing?--as Danny further mutilated “Tainted Love” has to count as one of the funniest moments of the season.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Obscure Covers of Lionel Richie Songs, Part 1 of Probably No More Than 1

TBOTCOTW--which is to say, occasional blogger, Matt--notes that American Idol’s Dave Cook ripped off Me First and the Gimme Gimmes with his version of “Hello.”

Which, the fact that someone else rocked up a Lionel Richie song just boggles the mind, doesn’t it? You can find it on their album Take a Break, and, you know what, Matt’s right. Total rip off. After you check that out, check out what they do to Cat Stevens’ “Wild World” from Blow in the Wind. Good stuff.

American Idol: The I Really Need to Update the Blogger Bash Post Edition

Eight women. Somebody beautiful is going home tomorrow night.

Asia’h Epperson sounds fine singing Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody,” I suppose. Shame I love that song. A little on the karaoke tip, a little too bland. Good Lord, she’s pretty, though.

Randy loved it. Paula loved it more. Simon’s “not quite so enthusiastic.” He calls it “second rate Whitney Houston.” Strangely, she seems happy being a second rate Whitney Houston. I’m not happy when anybody calls me second rate at anything. Except blogging, of course; I’ve accepted my fate there.

I think I’m somewhere between offended and impressed that Kady Malloy did Queen’s “Who Wants to Live Forever?” from Highlander. I’m going to go with offended because she sucks. Misses notes, warbles a bit, sounds wrong especially in comparison to the Queen original.

Randy thought she did okay. Yet again proving that Randy can be just as wrong as Paula. Paula thought it was her best performance. Seriously. No, seriously.

Anyway, Simon thinks that she’s boring but that the song was better than last week. Personally, I think she’s going home and so does darling girl. In fact, girl says, “If that was her best performance, she needs to go home.” Amen, sister.

Read the Rest...

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

American Idol: The Forsberg is Skating Tonight Edition

Gary Gygax has died. Brett Favre has retired. Ohio has voted. And Forsberg is skating tonight.

On a night like this, can American Idol truly matter?

When Luke Menard sings Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” with such a ridiculous, high school vocal, the answer has to be no. C’mon, that was hideous. Randy thinks it was okay. Randy was wrong. Paula liked it and says that he has a lovely instrument. Because Paula is stupid and creepy. Simon is the only one who maintains even a shred of critical dignity by telling Luke that he won’t make the final twelve much less win this competition. Go Evil Simon!

Luke is a lovely guy, but do you know anyone who would buy his albums? Didn’t think so.

I still hate David Archuletta. Sincerity, apparently, really rubs me the wrong way; and he tries so hard to be sincere. With Archuletta singing, Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise” becomes even more bland than the original. Whatever. Randy thinks it was just okay because even he can’t keep the love fest going all the time. Paula loves the imperfections because it proves the little feller’s perfection. Or something. Simon wasn’t particularly impressed and called it a bit gloomy. The others agree. Lighten up, you little jerk.

Of course, Archuletta goes for a statement about homelessness to justify his choice.

I hate this kid.

Read the Rest...

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

American Idol: The Heavily Relying on the Extended Entry Edition (Updated)

Given that I want people to see the other two posts from today, this post will be contained almost entirely in the extended entry. Cool, huh?

Read the Rest...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

American Idol: The I’m Eating Yellow Curry Edition. Yumm.

Update: A somewhat different point of view. Especially when it comes to David Archuleta. We were also very kindly linked by Deb. Thanks!

Thai Flavor yellow curry with chicken is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world--there is at least one place with curry that’s a little better on the other side of town, but Thai Flavor is damned good and relatively close.

So, while Paula Abdul celebrates her return to a recording career, I’ll be going, “Yummm, dawg. That was very brave curry.”

It’s guy night again--which, last week, was mostly painful. Hopefully tonight will be better. Michael Johns, the new love of my darling’s life, is up first and singing Fleetwood Mac. Not really a great choice and not a particularly good performance. I’d much rather be listening to Lindsey Buckingham sing this with all the emotion that he invested in those lyrics. He’s slipped to karaokeville, which is okay. His beauty will carry him through to next week.

Randy is nice and says that he’s a good singer. Paula says that he’s consistent. “Charismatic, you’re a seasoned performance...” Paula is high. Simon says it was okay, bad song choice, and that he was sort of coasting along. Amen, Simon, speak truth to Paula!

I still say that Jason Castro was pretty close to the top last week, and he’s decent this week, too. Not a great vocal performance--which is to say, not my personal taste--but I think he does what he does very well. What he does is sensitive neo-hippy with politically progressive dreads.

Randy sort of agrees that the vocals aren’t that strong, but that the act was “cute” and “charming”, but that it sounded a little karaoke. Which, what the hell? He thought that MJ was better? Fool. Paula wants him to be more vulnerable as an artist. He wants him to be brave. Simon slammed it big and hard. Heheh. Simon: Big and Hard. “You didn’t do yourself any favors tonight.”

Read the Rest...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

American Idol: The Results Are In

Wow. The boom falls fast tonight and Garrett is gone. Poor bastard. What I said a few nights ago: “He is the most mediocre of the mediocre...”

I didn’t see last night’s performances, but from the clips that they are showing tonight, it really seems that the talent has pooled largely on the girl’s side of the fence. Which is okay: I like looking at the girls more anyway.

The view won’t be any better without Amy Davis, though. But what the hell was Paula talking about? Useless woman. For the record, though, if her performance last night was as bad as the one tonight, she deserved to go home. Weak vocals, no control, very little presence. That doesn’t even rise to the level of bad karaoke.

Jeez.

Shut up and sing, Paula. Oh, wait, that doesn’t really work in this situation, does it?

Joanne Borgella is going home, too. She wasn’t one of my early favorites, so, frankly, no loss to me. She was, however, remarkably gracious to the end.

For the record, the Girl says I’m mean. When the camera cut to the weeping women, I started giggling--this wasn’t about Joanne, it was about how I don’t get the extra crying of the competitors. C’mon, man up, folks. You survived another round and you’re closer to your goal. It would be inappropriate to gloat, I admit, but the tears are a step too far in the other direction.

Simon’s advice to Colton, who is going home tonight, is despised by the rest of the AI crew, but I think there’s a lot to it: get a good job and content yourself with just enjoying singing. I think that would be great advice for the majority of the hopefuls. Most of them won’t have long careers in the field and most of them who do get a record contract will still never making a living doing this.

Put your faith in hard work, education, and keeping your nose clean, kids. That’s the best path to success in the end. Everything else is closer to putting your money and your retirement plans into the lottery: the return on the investment is pretty disappointing.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

American Idol: The Girl is Suffering House Withdrawal Edition

Update: I’ve placed the bulk of this post in the extended entry to save the AI haters from the pain. That’s how much I love all y’all.

All the young dudes think that they deserve to be America’s next pop singing sensation. Most of them are wrong--so wrong--and they will spend the next two hours proving my point.

Simon wants personality, originality, and good singing from this group of karaoke all stars. Which means he is probably deeply disappointed every time he comes to work on American Idol--feeling whatever shred of artistic dignity he ever had being stripped slowly from his body with every missed note, longing hobbit glance, and whiny, boy band singer that goes by.

Poor bastard.

Aside: I can’t quite get my head around the MacBook Air. I mean, there is an obvious techno-lust thing going on, especially for the SSD version. But without a DVD, without an ethernet port, and without a couple more ports, how useful would this thing be to me? I’m guessing that the answer is not necessarily much.

But the techno-lust still fills me with longing.

David Hernandez goes all gospely on us and doesn’t sound bad. If you’re looking for Future Lounge Singers of America, I mean. Certainly, the boy can sing and his voice could even be described as pleasant (with the exception of some seriously missed notes at the end), but he’s boring. Bland. Nice enough, though.

Randy liked him more than I did. Paula offered him verbal hugs. Simon was reasonably nice--and he was right. The beginning bit was the best, the kid needs to loosen up, and there wasn’t much distinct about it.

Chikezie isn’t really well-known enough yet to have just one name, is he? I’m having a hard time with that--and with the salmon-colored suit. Beyond that, his vocals started weak and only got a little better as the song went on. And what was up with that arrangement? Didn’t do him any favors at all and, for the second song running, the back-up singers sounded lazy as hell. This was a little disappointing; I thought he would sound better.

Randy was nicer than Chickezie deserves. Paula calls him a throwback to great R&B--which is a huge overstatement. Simon screws up the name and then dumps on the performance in typical Simon fashion (including seconding my opinion of the suit). Again, Simon was right. Chikezie does his best to be a good advocate for himself, though, which I approve of; if you can stand up for yourself without sounding combative (and I don’t think he did), you’ll win a few more votes.

Aside: How many of these performances will people really want to download from iTunes? I’m afraid that the answer might be: more than enough to buy Steve Jobs another personal jet.

Another Aside: McCain wins Wisconsin. Not exactly surprising, eh? I’m far more curious to see the results between Obama & Hillary--my guess is that Obama wins. But by how much?

Read the Rest...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

American Idol Hollywood Week: The Crushing of Souls

Cutting down to the final 24 is always a little brutal. There are always some folks who I like who get the late boot and it isn’t fun watching them walk away.

What is sad, though, is how often someone says something like, “I don’t know what I’m going to do next.” That’s sad to me because hopefully they had some other goals in life before entering into a contest where the likelihood of winning is--well, there is no likelihood, it’s all about how unlikely it is win the contest.

It’s nice that tattoo girl is going through, I suppose. Although after hearing about her previous record deal and music industry failure, I wonder if she really belongs in a contest meant to discover new talent. I dunno…

Most of the names and faces I really don’t care about. They don’t spend enough time that you really notice that there are fifty separate personalities--at least, I don’t.

The nurse stays, which is nice, David “Boy Wonder” Archuleta, stays, which irritates no end.

It’s most sad when the “hubbas” leave--but they give a lot of leeway to the pretty ones. Kristy Lee Cook, for example, might not have deserved a top spot, but I’m still glad she’s there. Brooke White, on the other hand, deserved a spot--nice person, pretty, gorgeous voice--so it’s no wonder she went through. They don’t send too many women like these two home when they get them to Hollywood. That isn’t a bad thing, of course; you don’t see too many bands and singers who look like the Rolling Stones anymore.

Which, in most ways, is kind of nice.

Darling girl will be happy that her man, Michael Johns, made it through. In fact, she’ll probably watch just so she can secretly enjoy his looks and his accent. I feel the same way about Syesha Mercado. Pretty voice, gorgeous woman, and I’m glad she’s going through. I also hopes she learns to stop over-singing her songs.

I was a little surprised that they put Robbie Carrico through. I wasn’t impressed with his voice and I was less impressed with his looks and personality. Not that any of the above were actually bad, just that they were all a little blah.

What about the crying boy? Did Josiah make it through? No, he didn’t it; back to living in a car for you. And it would be hard to say he deserved otherwise--that last performance was abysmal. I still would have liked to see how far he could have made it in the show, though.

And, now, I have to say: has anyone ever seen Simon be so nice to someone that he cut? When Kyle was sent off, he was so utterly kind to the kid that it was shocking--and he took the disappointment well. A nice guy and I hope he does well in life.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

American Idol Hollywood Week: Now with Extra Colossalosity

Hollywood week on American Idol is always a little irritating. The faces and voices go by so fast that you don’t really notice many of the people--except, of course, the really cute ones like Brooke White. Hubba hubba and I love her voice--it’s pretty, strong, and a little bit earthy in nature. I love the fact that they are allowing musical instruments this year, though; it makes a much more satisfying listening experience. Some of the time.

At other times it was even more brutally painful than normal--like Jacob’s drummer/singer version of “Hooked on a Feeling.” Ouch.

There is something of a “No Wannabee Left Behind” feeling to Hollywood week. It’s like every half-assed karaoke talent from around the nation was allowed to come play with the big kids. Listeners with more sensitive ears might be forgiven for thinking, “And this was the best of the bunch? Will they actually find enough decent singers to torture us with over the next few months, nurturing our inner Simons as the cruelty flows from the keyboards of countless armchair critics without the balls or talent to compete themselves?”

Or, maybe that’s just me.

It’s truly painful listening to some of the murderous thing that these kids do to the music.

“Hey, Big O, whadya got there, fella?” Love that ad.

I did like the mildly scary looking Amanda Overmeyer and her Elvira-eque hairdo. A little taste of 60’s rocker at least gives the show something grittier than a boy-band nasally whine. She isn’t a great singer, but she’s a passionate and fun performer--I’m half surprised that they let her through and are keeping her in the show. My only fear is that she’s sort of a female Lenny Kravitz--that is, a complete compilation of her influences without anything new to add to the mix. That’s fun for a while, but it gets boring after a bit.

But if she’s going to be derivative, at least she’s pulling from a unique source. She stands out from the competition in a huge way.

Josiah Leming is another one that I find interesting. He’s obviously a lost kid who has made some bad decisions, but that brit singer sound that he has going on is interesting even if it is very much playing in the Coldplay ballpark. I can’t help but like him, though.

I wonder if success would help him pull himself together or if it would give him the capacity to really screw things up.

And, yeah, I liked tattoo girl. Not only is she cute and talented, but she seems like a hell of a nice person.

Was Jack Black born to be Kung Fu Panda? I think so.

Read the Rest...

Friday, January 18, 2008

We’re Number 1: The American Idol Loves Meth Edition

Search Google for American Idol Meth Woman, and you’ll be heading for ResurrectionSong. Because, we’re number one, baby!

I expect the drug rehab comment spammers to notice soon.

My parents would be so proud.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

American Idol Makes Philly Hurt

I’m watching American Idol--which may repel some of you, but probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise--and I’m amazed at how much of a talent-free zone the place seems to be. The couple people that they’ve passed through thus far just aren’t that impressive. It’s getting closer and closer every year to being a karaoke contest, I swear.

Not that it had that far to fall.

Of course, the good bits might be around the corner, some of the singers might suffer from cruel editing, and, let’s be honest, what the hell do I know, anyway? There were some nice kids--and I felt bad for a few who got spanked by the trio of doom--but I can’t help but think that American Idol might have already hit its highest peak.

Which is sad. A very sad, low peak.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

American Idol: Crawling Slowly to the Conclusion

A few impressions:

  1. Gina is smokin’ hot. Love her.
  2. Wow. Tony Bennett is old. When the entire crowd cheers so soulfully over one, measly, little song, you know that you’re close to the end. Consider this your warning.

    Was that wrong?
  3. Whatcha want to be that every time Antonella Barba shows up on TV there is a huge spike in searches for semi-nude pictures of the woman?
  4. Sanjaya still sucks. Only now he does it even though he’s been kicked off the show. Will he never leave us in peace?
  5. Wow again. Bette Midler sucks on a level that, typically, only Sanjaya can reach. What the hell happened to her voice?

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank God for you, the end of that damned song.
  6. The Beatles would not be amused. The Ruttles might be.
  7. Am I the only one that thinks that Reuben Studdard would’ve smoked the entirety of this year’s AI finalists? Seriously.
  8. Shock. Jordin wins.
  9. Dismay. Jordin sings “This is My Crappy American Idol Penned Single.”
  10. G-phrase asks if I can retire permanently from weekly American Idol commentary. Fair question since it means she is subjected to painful moments like “This is My Now.”
  11. Luckily for you, I’m completely willing to sacrifice the girl’s sanity for your amusement. Cool, huh?

Update: Heheh. Funny:

Wow, it’s like miniature versions of Steve Buscemi and John Candy (well, not so miniature in that case) accepting an award, except for the glaring lack of talent.

Of course, if you didn’t see the show, this won’t make any sense at all. If you did see it, well, no explanation needed.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

American Idol: Still Fighting the Tyranny of High Standards in the Music Industry (Updated)

So, Paula tripped over her dog, Barbiturate. For some reason.

None of which changes the fact that tonight is the big fight between Beat Box Boy and The Towering Giantess. Which is fun for the whole family as long as they keep their actual musical expectations somewhere on the lower side of good.

Blake’s “Shot Through the Heart” was better than the first time he sang it, but it pales in comparison to Paula’s freaky, ruffly top. Not in quality, mind you, but in a sheer, “Are you serious?” way.

Tattoo You Aside: So, there I was, wondering what tattoo I should get next. Thank God for Blake Lewis and his magical Monchichi. And thank God for Andy and his willingness to help us through all of these American Idol related questions. If we’re really lucky, he’ll post naked pictures of Jordin Sparks next.

Er, just kidding about that last part.

Speaking of Jordin and her incredible height, she sang that song that I don’t know from some show a few weeks back. She sounded pretty good with the exception of the middle and end which devolved into some tuneless, broken, shouting thing.

I"m with Simon: round one goes to Blake.

Sad as Hell Aside: I kept hoping that Annika wouldn’t really leave us. She callously disregarded my hope. Annika is a bright young woman with a great future ahead of her--and I know that she represents the future leadership of our country. Somehow, that thought makes me feel pretty good. Aside from that, though, she has absolutely brilliant taste in footwear. Good luck, Annika, we’ll miss you tremendously.

Oh, great. Blake is doing that crappy Maroon 5 song. Pardon me while I go do something that doesn’t suck…

And Jordin goes for “Broken Wing"--which makes me wonder why the hell I stayed home to watch this crap tonight. Not only does the song suck, but her voice isn’t particularly sure, nor is it particularly pleasant. She can’t connect emotionally with the song, Randy is smoking crack, Paula is still suffering the after-effects of her run in with Barbiturate, and even Randy dips into the Kool Aid.

This round goes to Blake as the proud lesser of two evils.

But I Am Excited About This Aside: I didn’t really dig the first Fantastic 4 flick. It wasn’t nearly as good as, say, Spiderman 2, X-Men, or Batman Begins, although it wasn’t exactly horrible, either. But now they have Silver Surfer.

Silver freakin’ Surfer. Which is damned near as cool as if X-Men 3: The Minor Disappointment had actually featured Angel in the movie instead of just teasing me with his presence. Silver freakin’ Surfer, folks. I’m all giddy.

Which is good, because this crap that the two boneheads from Seattle wrote for Blake to sing is one of the most boring, ball-free songs I’ve ever heard. Pure and utter shit, completely without artistic value, and barely worth listening to (much less recording). If I were Blake, I would jump off stage and beat the living hell out of the writers for this little bit of idiocy.

My God, it’s like they actually hate music. I mean, that’s the only reasonable explanation that I can come up with.

Idiots.

American Idol Hates Music!

Simon is wrong: it is a bad song.

Now Jordin sings the song, too. Because American Idol Hates Music! The little crying girl thing she did at the end was a nice touch, though. That will buy her a few million extra votes (and probably the victory). Sadly for Blake, he’s going to lose.

If this is your now, your now sucks big.

Anyway, I’ll have to post something to listen to that might overpower the bad taste that “This is My Now” has left in my mouth. Maybe I’ll post some angry frog music and tell you about what I think might be worrisome changes in the political and social climate in South Africa. First, though, I have to take girl to get some ice cream to celebrate her extra good day.

Update: Venomous Chick writes:

Unfortunately, the only surprise of the evening involved just how appallingly awful the winning song from the “Songwriting Contest” - “This is My Now” — was.

Isn’t that the truth?

And this post has made Mullah McCain’s Fatwa (which also has the most adorable little picture of Osama bin Laden that you could possibly imagine--adorable, I tell you).

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

American Idol: The Torture Comes Slowly to an End

So, when the hell did Elliot Yamin become Mr. Kotter?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

American Idol: Countdown to Extra Special Mediocrity

The night is one of my favorite nights of the year: the night that the judges and the producers choose songs for the singers. I like it mostly because I like to imagine the hell that I would put the contestant through if I were choosing the songs that they would sing. Sadly, the judges and producers usually choose kindness in place of cruelty.

But I can still dream.

Jordin Sparks comes out with a wonderful vocal of a marginal song. Nicely done, Jordin. You go girl, and other such leftover idiocies.

Blake’s take on “Roxanne” was alright, but, frankly, he’s no Sting. It takes a special voice to screw up a vocal like Sting does with this song and make it sound brilliant.

If you take my meaning.

Melinda is just sort of boring. Competent. Yeah, that’s nice.

“Are you drunk?” asked Simon. Stupidly, I thought he was talking to Paula.

“She Works Hard for the Money.” Doing entirely legal stuff. Honest.

Jordin’s second song is another snooze--it’s too grounded in the 80’s, too bland to really overcome its moment in history, and Jordin’s take is too straight to make it seem like something fresh.

Question time: did anyone else get the feeling that Blake was channeling his inner boy band with that Maroon 5 song? Horrid song choice, typical vocal.

Melinda’s second song was far better than the first, but, let’s just say, she’s no Tina Turner. Not by a long shot.

The little Sparks is having a really good night. In fact, her third song (a song I’m not familiar with) was a perfect fit for her; she screwed up the ending a bit, but the rest was wonderful. I utterly loved it and, contra Simon, am glad that she did something classic in feel and style rather than something contemporary, poppy, throwaway crap.

Blake, on the other hand, is surprisingly boring tonight. His third song passes like elevator music and I’m already on to something else. Melinda isn’t exactly helping herself, but she didn’t hurt herself, either. She continues to be the best talent in terms of her singing ability and consistency. But she didn’t really light the place up tonight, did she?

At the top of the show, I would have bet on Melinda and Blake in the finals based on their appeal to such different audience. Melinda and Jordin are competing for a lot of the same votes right now. I’m not sure, though, because Blake was definitely the weakest of the evening.

Still, the teen girl vote cannot be ignored, so I predict Blake in the finals. Jordin had the better night, but Melinda has had--by a big bit--the better competition. The goodwill and fan base that she’s built up will carry her through.

Blake and Melinda in the big show down. So sayeth the Zomby.

Update: Kindly linked by Kate, who thinks that Blake is going bye bye. More importantly, though, given her current proximity to Denver, she might want to ditch the kids and take the hubby on a road trip for a very special blogger bash.

Just sayin’.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

American Idol: Still Terse

I had a late start and I’m not sure what I missed.

Blake: Sounded good except for the beatbox (which is becoming irritating. Might be time to retire the gimmick.

Lakisha: Started well, her timing sounded a little off, and some serious pitch problems. Not good.

Jordin: The most perfect version of this song ("To Love Somebody") still belongs to Slobberbone. Jordin was decent, but not particularly good. Whateverish.

Melinda: Apparently I missed her first performance. The g-phrase disagrees, but I thought her take on “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” was peculiarly weak through the first half and overdone the second. Jesus, can’t anyone just sing the damned song?

Blake: Okay, that was different. Not in a good way, though.

Lakisha: Damn. I hope someone set the snooze alarm…

Jordin: That sucked. That just really sucked.

None of which changes the fact that Tom Sizemore is an idiot. And so is Andrew Sullivan If it weren’t short answer day I would answer his question at length. In short, though: God, what a stupid question.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

American Idol: The, Yeah, Bon Jovi is Still Here Edition. Damnit.

Who the hell is this freakin’ American Idol reject with a baby mustache and a perpetual falsetto singing cheesy lounge music on my freakin’ TV?

If he doesn’t go away soon, I am going to be pissed.

Who goes home first? That would be Phil. Which doesn’t hurt my feelings so much, although he seems like an awfully nice guy. I don’t think he has a great voice, but I can’t help but hope for good things in his future. Both Lakisha and Melinda are safe, as they should be. I had been wondering if Lakisha’s perpetually sour mood, which just broke this week, would be enough to send her home on a double elimination night.

One thing I have to say for Phil: his exit wasn’t just graceful, it was damned well done.

Now, if Chris Richardson goes home in the next half hour, I’ll be a happy man.

A Little Surprised Aside: So, with the new song, Bon Jovi doesn’t even pretend to rock anymore. They’re just all boring. Still, it’s better than sitting through another song by that freaky bastard at the beginning of the show.

Now, for the second exit of the night, and Chris R (the pseudo-Timberlake) is going home. A subdued response from the crowd makes it clear that they didn’t think that it was such a bad choice. Again, though, for all the abuse I’ve tossed his direction, he still seems like a nice kid.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

American Idol: The All Bon Jovi Edition

Oh, Lord, this is going to hurt.

While I still have a soft spot in my heart (head?) for Young Guns, I can’t say the same for Bon Jovi’s “Blaze of Glory” or Phil’s version which is mostly shouted. While it’s hardly a subtle song, any nuance that was in the original was killed off by Phil’s one note performance. The girlfriend says it was alright, but she doesn’t disagree with my basic premise.

Jordin’s “Living on a Prayer” wasn’t a much better experience, and she was obviously out of her element. It ended up being a kind of not-so-bad, High School talent contest version. Which is to say, not particularly good. The funny thing is that she admits that it wasn’t a great week for her and the judges are varying degrees of unkind. that Jordin is 27’ tall?

Girlfriend notes that Gina would have kicked butt this weekend. Sadly, she fell to Sanjaya’s hordes weeks ago. She would have been the perfect singer for this week.

I’m not familiar with “This Ain’t a Love Song”, apparently Bon Jovi’s stab at soul and even more apparently a really great song choice by Lakisha given this week’s constraint. While I can’t exactly say that it was great, I can say that it was definitely quite a few steps in the right direction. Count me in with Bon Jovi: I would be surprised if she was heading home this week. It was far better than either of the first two openers.

It was so good that Simon had to smooch her. A very tender moment in the history of the show.

Useless Aside: I give love a bad name. I mean, totally. That’s what I do.

Blake goes an interesting path with “Shot Through the Heart” and I still can’t decide whether it was good or not. The beatbox moments were fun, the singing was mostly decent, the beats were a blast, and it was essentially like watching a live electronic remix of the song. No one else on the show could come close to that kind of a performance. But was it too much of the gimmick and not enough of the song? Too odd for odd’s sake?

I enjoyed the ride and I don’t think he has anything to worry about going on to next week.

Which set me up for a painful fall when Chris R’s whiny voice belted out “Dead or Alive”. Can’t we all just agree to let this faux-Timberlake go away and leave me alone? Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not how to rock.

On the good side, the thing closes with a surprisingly good rock vocal by Melinda (who can pull off the vocals but needs a little work on the moves). Damned find performance by the consummate pro of the show with, as Randy noted, a little Tina Turner attitude. Easily my favorite of the night.

Girlfriend takes a poll of the household and we’ve decided that Melinda should win. The dog abstained, but I believe in my heart that she’s leaning my way on this one.

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