When, precisely, did America lose its sense of humor?

Because at times like these, we could all use a good laugh, and I know I’m not the guy to deliver the goods.

I think it might make more sense if we had some examples.

The lyrics would definitely be coming from a pro-fat, pro-sex, pro-queer, pro-bicycle, feminist, anticonsumer culture, situationist prospective.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t sound like fun party music, does it?

To help the cause, I plan to petition MacDonalds to bring back the McDLT in the double-wide, non-biodegradable, ozone depleting styrofoam container. I aim to keep the hot side hot and the cold side cold.

And, no, that’s not what she said.

Anyway, a friend just sent me an email that cracked me up. I can’t attribute the thoughts to anyone in particular, but thought y’all might enjoy it, anyway.

The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.  Why don’t we just give them ours?  It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, and ‘Thou Shalt Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.  It creates a hostile work environment.

Now, stop giggling and go back to work. 

It looks like Jimmy “The Most Useful Idiot” Carter has thrown his sham of a Nobel Peace Prize and unique legacy into support for Obama’s presidential bid.

Damn. now I almost feel sorry for Obama. I wonder if this was some convoluted strategy to win the sympathy vote?

Jonah Goldberg posted a story that I think is great stuff. Read the whole thing (it’s short), but here’s the punchline:

They ran outside and Hussein darted into the street, where he was hit by a blue Volvo and toppled to the ground, cops said.

Or, at least, that’s the bit where I start smiling, but I’m not known for my social grace.

Read the original story.

Update: Hazel says, “Shouldn’t be a jerk where the gods can see you, buddy.” Which fits the theme rather nicely, don’t you think?

A friend forwarded a link to an 80’s band--the Original Vandals--and a song that fits the Spitzer situation beautifully.

Make sure it’s playing the “Wages of Sin.” How perfect is that?

PS- The title is my buddy’s fault. I just couldn’t help myself.

I would sign on for this revolution, but I don’t think darling girl would appreciate the cause. And, yeah,

[T]his very evening I plan to put the proposition to my wife in the plainest possible terms: “Look, we gave you the right to vote. Now you’re going to sign this permission slip saying I can have sex with whatever neighbor or acquaintance is interested in servicing a slightly chubby man’s sexual desires. You’ll do it because we both believe in equality.” Honestly, I’m not that optimistic and the sure-let-my-wife-screw-other-guys! revolution is no doubt a bit further off…

Shawn pretty much nails my every thought on the issue of expecting wives to celebrate the rampant infidelities of their true loves, the legalization of prostitution, and Phil Weiss’ article defending Spitzer. Nice one, Shawn.

Tomorrow I’m going to post my last post about the Spitzer affair, although, probably, not my last about prostitution or politicians stupid enough to violate Zombyboy’s Rules for the Elect, #1.

Let me tell you how white I am. I browsed this blog while drinking tea (Numi Aged Earl Grey--certified organic--purchased last week at Whole Foods) and listening to the Gutter Twins new album, Saturnalia, while thinking about taking Girl to Bump & Grind for breakfast on Saturday to celebrate and hear about her interview for a GT position at her school. And, of course, I was typing it up on my big ol’ dual processor G5.

Wow. I feel so pallid. Thanks, Winds of Change!

This may not be the coolest thing ever in the ‘sphere, but it must be close.

5 The Bishop sipped upon hys tea
36 And sayed, “an open mind must we
37 Keep, for know thee well the Mussel-man
38 Has hys own laws for hys own clan
39 So question not hys Muslim reason
40 And presaerve ye well social cohesion.”

Read and marvel at the wonder of the thing.

Big thanks to Christopher Orlet for pointing this out. And then, to wash it down, Shawn’s suggested reading for yesterday: Be My Political Valentine. You’ve captured a supermajority of my heart!

Then, when you’re done laughing and stuff, go here for the big come down. Someone put on the breaks; we’re heading for a cliff.

Overheard at the office today during a discussion about the remaining presidential candidates:

Can’t we do without a president for the next four years or so? Just see how that goes?

Heheh. There is something attractive about that idea…

Drunken history rocks almost as much as this video did on my iPhone. YouTube never looked better than it does on the iPhone.

Just sayin’.

This is, indeed, the person that your mother was warning you about. (Click and click again. But be careful: your eyes will never be the same.)

I would like to second the wisdom of mom.

The NY Times is wrong, of course. Kucinich is the real women’s candidate.

Just sayin’.

Seen at Protein Wisdom.

Okay, it really isn’t the most important issue of the day, but watching the daily news about the Writers Guild strike is almost as much fun as the video from an ill-advised Britney Spears music awards performance.

Just sayin’.

Anyway, Shawn captures what must be one of the funniest things spoken by a celebrity during the strike.

“Without Writers Guild members, we would have bad jokes, crap movies, and an endless output of reality television,” Tim Robbins, for example, expounded in a strangely clipped accent, begging the question: As opposed to what?

The funniest bit, though? This:

“But the people in WGA bleed to write the scripts,” Graham said, as a homeless-looking man a few feet away pounded away at invisible bongos. “The actors in SAG and AFTRA bleed to play their roles. The people who support this city every day bleed to make it the cultural capital that it is.”

Read the rest because, let’s be honest, there aren’t too many funny stories in the news today that go from the phenomenally cute Kristin Davis to a socialist selling copies of 1917: Journal of the International Bolshevik Tendency.

Full disclosure: hidden in the mix is a link to RSong. Thanks, Shawn!

Wheels offers up an antidote to the competitive text messaging post from yesterday--old guy supporters everywhere dance a little dance of victory.

Okay, some people need to learn the subtleties of the term, “right tool for the job.” Or, maybe they just need to learn the term and start applying it in their own lives.

A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun.
The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place.

Shooting at the wheel from arm’s length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris.

The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening, injuries.

The most surprising part of this story (to my cynical eyes) was that the man was not intoxicated. That would have explained quite a bit.

Read the story.

This may be the perfect generic political post.

But, you know, you might need it...

I’ll be mocked by the Freeperazi wherever I go. I probably won’t get the Pat Robertson endorsement. I might have to turn in my decoder ring.

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Damn the luck…

H/T to Rob whose inner European is also much cooler than mine. Bastard.