Ten Predictions for the New Year

Okay, so I bought myself a crystal ball (real cheap, slightly used, only marginally cracked) so that I could join in the whole New Years Predictions racket. This is what I came up with (although it should be noted that the guy who sold it to me predicted that I would pay a lot more than I did--that might not speak well for the predictive abilities of the ball).

1. On the back of a strong economy, an improved job market, and Democrat incompetence, President Bush wins a second term. In a related incident, John Kerry comments on the Democrat's loss saying, "Didn't I tell you nominating Dean was a bad idea? I mean, really, I was in Vietnam, you know."

2. Nader runs. No one notices.

3. The nation of Zimbabwe collapses into civil war. President Mugabe blames the English, the UN, and the United States, and continues to be lauded for his vision by other African leaders. Africa's biggest problems are all dramatized in this event--a seemingly unbreakable cycle of corruption and arrogance wherein a civil war takes down a wretched regime only to replace it with something far worse.

4. I will not win the lottery. It's a fifty-fifty proposition as to whether I actually buy a ticket, though.

5. The rebuilding of Iraq will continue to go well with attacks on the coalition dwindling, order being restored, and a more liberal (if not more democratic) system of government slowly growing. It will not go as well as neo-cons like me might hope, neither will it go as poorly as the Democrat presidential candidates and their supporters are praying. That probably says as much about me as it does about them.

6. At least one other person will join the ranks of ResurrectionSong contributors.

7. For Democrats, the opinions of France, Germany, and Russia will still be the only international voices that matter. Any other Bush moves that alienate those nations, while being supported by Italy, Spain, Turkey, the UK, Australia, Japan, Poland, and Romania (for instance), will be considered "unilateral." This basic failure of Democrats in geography, math, and English is one of many reasons that the voting public simply don't trust Democrats. Or our public school system.

8. Mark Lanegan will release yet another masterwork of staggering musical genius. It will be accompanied, as a reader put it, by a triumphant "5 date world tour." Continuing another Lanegan tradition, none of those dates will be in Denver. Damn.

9. The Dixie Chicks will pose nude for an album cover, clothed only in the words scrawled on their bodies. "Sorry, totally wrong about that whole politics thing." "From now on we'll stick to music. And hair spray." "This space for rent." You know, that sort of thing. (Hey, what do you expect from a second-hand crystal ball?)

10. The serious blogginig community will continue to grow, becoming something a little more like journalism and a little less like high school.

Be safe for New Years Eve, folks. Only drink what you can handle, only buy drugs from someone you trust, don't drive while schnockered, and only sleep with the person you went to the party with (unless, of course, it's that kind of party, in which case all bets are off). Be safe, be happy, and have a great night.

Posted by zombyboy at December 31, 2003 09:43 AM | TrackBack