Zero Tolerance of a Different Kind

I learn the most interesting things on Salon. Do you yell at your children? I'm not talking about constant berating or threats or profanity, I'm just talking about raising your voice to a loud level to get their attention. Do you ever do that?

Do you yell when they reach for a hot stove? Or when they are about to run into a busy street? Or when they've just dumped a bag of flour onto the floor and are mixing it in with Cheerios, peanut-butter, and eggs?

If the answer is yes, then you are an abuser who practices "psychological aggression" against your children. At least, that is, according to a researcher who wouldn't mind seeing laws outlawing psychological aggression.

In the study itself, the researchers admit their reluctance to label psychological aggression as "abuse" -- mostly because there are legal definitions of abuse that some psychological aggression would not fit into -- but Straus didn't shy away from that word in the accompanying press release or in his interview with me. He also told me he "would not see any downsides" to future laws against psychological aggression. Such forms of discipline are tolerated right now, he says, because they are society's norm (and certainly anything done by 98 percent of the population qualifies as a "norm"). "The expansion of humanitarian rights that has occurred in respect to other areas of childhood, such as child labor," he said, "suggests that it is possible that the norms will change."

And there you have it. Shouting "How many times have we told you to stop eating Mommy's lipstick?" is on a par with manacling your kindergartner to a rusty antique Singer in the basement of a factory and forcing her to stitch up knockoff D&G handbags for 18 hours a day.

This is one time that I urge you to go to Salon and watch the little interstitial commercial to gain access. The author of the piece, while not utterly dismissive of the study, does have a humorous take on the whole idea.

Raising a child is pressure enough without having to suddenly worry about your decibel level as your 2-year-old decides that the keyboard of your iMac might like a drink of milk. You don't need to curse at her, or berate her, or threaten to kick her out of the house (which would be a pretty nasty thing to do to a toddler). You may even admire her compassion with regard to your computer's thirst. But you also might shout at her -- intentionally or not -- to get her attention, to make sure she stops, and to underscore the message that mixing dairy products and expensive technology is a no-no. And even if the tone of your voice temporarily upsets her, chances are she'll get over it rather quickly. You don't need to start worrying that you've just crossed the line into Joan Crawford territory. And if anyone tells you that you should, well, I think that's psychological aggression.

Honestly, this one's worth reading. Even if it is on Salon.

Read the story.

Posted by zombyboy at December 12, 2003 09:58 AM | TrackBack