It Takes More Than Self-Esteem

On one of my RSS aggregators, I receive a few "Quotes of the Day." This one caught my eye, but not in a good way.

What makes a person good? Is it the deeds that they perform or simply the fact of their existence? Oprah has her opinion on the subject, and it doesn't require too much work.

"In every aspect of our lives, we are always asking ourselves, How am I of value? What is my worth? Yet I believe that worthiness is our birthright."

It's symbolic of the self-esteem movement in this country. Take any problem that you want--addiction, weight, general mediocrity--and you'll find self-esteem advocates focused on helping sidestep those problems.

Self-help used to mean advice given by experts to help solve life's problems. Why does no one love me? Why am I fat? Why did Bob get the promotion when I deserved it so richly? The advice was usually thin as water and based on the foolish premise that a few lines of text could miraculously change the reader into someone completely new--all problems washed away.

The self-esteem movement one-ups that by, instead, encouraging people to feel good about themselves regardless of the problems in their lives. Don't fix the problem, embrace your uniqueness and glare at the people who don't accept you. In this sense, I think the movement is a little bit dangerous.

And I have a dog in this fight.

I weigh about twenty pounds more than I want to. I can feel it when I exercise. I can see it in the mirror. And, regardless of what advocates might have me believe, not only am I healthier when I'm lighter, I'm also happier. Not only does the exercise and common activity come easier, but I like what I look like and feel better about myself.

That is, my self-esteem isn't derived simply from being, but from doing. When I do things to improve my situation visibly, I feel better.

I'm a fairly optimistic thinker, in very general terms. I think that most people are good and that near everyone is born with the potential to be good. That potential, though, like any proclivity is nurtured through education and through work, not simply by existing.

Worthiness stems not from "being" but from acting in a worthy manner.

But the self-esteem movement promotes this do nothing approach that appeals so much to that other irritant in today's America: an amazing sense of entitlement. It teaches people that they are entitled to feel good about themselves no matter their situation because, darnit, they're special. They're unique. God made them the way that they are, so they must already be perfect.

What a load of crap.

What I want to do is cultivate my self-esteem in a more meaningful way. I want to examine my life and find the areas that I find lacking--and I want to change those things. I want to nurture the better angels of my own nature by, quite simply, being a better person.

I want to acknowledge that the reason I'm overweight is because I eat too much and exercise too little--and I want to change my eating and activity habits to improve the situation. I want to acknowledge that Bob got the promotion, perhaps, because Bob offers more than I do in some ways--and then decide how I want to offer more in return so that the next promotion goes to me. And I want to acknowledge that no one owes me a job to begin with--I don't "deserve" it any more than a thousand other people do. If I'm not happy and feel poorly treated, then it is incumbent upon me to go and find a new job.

I don't know that I'll ever feel quite as good about myself as some of the self-esteem advocates that I've met. That doesn't matter as much to me, though, as ownership. I can honestly say that no one has handed me my life.

I own my successes as much as I own my failures--and I won't let the weight of either escape me. My self-esteem is an honest appraisal of my own being, not a lie designed to help me escape responsibility.

Self-esteem should be an achievement, not an entitlement.

Posted by zombyboy at November 25, 2003 11:48 AM | TrackBack